Tag Archives: parenting without rewards

Living For Rewards or with a Real Stake?

I continue to ruminate on the whole concept of rewards and the world view surrounding them is such a rich topic to me in examining our society’s three steps forward two steps back transition from a hierarchical to a more egalitarian orientation. As I see it, you reward someone for doing something you want them to do (or think they should do) that you are not confident that they will do based on their own ethical compass and sense of self-direction. You create an incentive (or even a bribe) that you feel will trump their own inner guidance. I see it as part of a paradigm of power-over control rather than power-with partnership.

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When I Stopped Rewarding My Son for Good Behavior

My last blog piece, “Done with Rewards” was a short rant probably triggered by some interchange between a parent and their kid at the coffee place where I was hanging out and writing. As I said…

I know I’m done with rewards. I have come to find the whole concept demeaning and rude and so 20th Century. Behavior modification, extrinsic motivation, gold stars, contests, “races to the top”, it all seems to no longer be useful in the evolution of our species. I think we are finally ready to let motivation be intrinsic and allow everyone to be who they really are and not what the rest of us want them to be instead.

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