Because Abby told me, I knew Rose’s last name was Bertram, but I still hadn’t talked to her. She was in my Homeroom, but she sat in the front of the room by the door next to Myrna. I sat in the back by the windows with Lance and the other cool boys. She was kind of pretty and I just liked looking at her whenever I could, but I didn’t look at her so much that Lance and the others might see me and tease me about it. Sometimes when I was looking at her she might look at me and she might smile a little bit but then look away. I guess that was good. Abby had said that Myrna had said she was shy. I didn’t like to admit it, but I guess I was kind of shy too, so her being shy I guess was good.

Lance, Danny and Ben would sometimes talk quietly about all the girls in the class and rate them, good and bad. The girls they thought were pretty were “foxes”, but the rest of the girls who weren’t were “dogs”. Girls that had breasts that kind of stuck out a little had “nice tits”. And girls that talked a lot or tried to be in charge of the other girls they said were “bitches”. Danny said that female dogs were even called “bitches” by grownups.

So it was kind of like set theory. Lance said the girls with nice tits were the ones you’d make out with, but if they were also dogs, you’d put a paper bag over their heads before you felt them up, and if they were bitches, you’d put tape over their mouths so they couldn’t talk. If they didn’t have nice tits, but were foxes and not bitches, those were the girls you’d marry. But if the girl was in the set you’d make out with, but she actually really LIKED making out, then she was also a slut.

So by the rules Lance shared with us for the universe of girls in our Homeroom, the girls with nice tits – including Ginny, Ramona, Susan and even Myrna – were the ones he’d make out with. Susan and Ramona were the best of them, because they were also foxes. But “in a pinch” he would also make out with Ginny, who wasn’t very pretty, with a bag over her head, or Myrna, who was a bitch, with tape over her mouth. Since he said Susan wasn’t a slut like Ramona, who he’d already made out with, Susan was the one he most wanted to make out with now.

Rose and Bessie were pretty, but didn’t have tits, so they were the ones he said he’d marry, but not the girls he’d make out with. Lance said that the girls you made out with, “You wouldn’t want to marry them, because too many other guys would have already felt them up.” So like drinking from a bottle of pop somebody else already drank from.

All Lance’s endless talking made it confusing for my thinking about Rose, and that maybe I had a crush on her. I mean I’d never really talked to her, maybe just a word or two when she helped the teacher hand out sheets for the Sock Hop and Rose held one out for me and said “here” and I took it and said “thanks”. She didn’t seem to talk very much, but I HAD heard her answering questions Myrna asked her up in the front of the room. I’d even heard her laugh once. THAT was pretty cool!

So it was finally the big day, Friday, and the Sock Hop was TONIGHT from 7:00 to 9:30 in the gym. You couldn’t wear your shoes because regular shoes with leather soles could scuff the floor. They said even if you wore sneakers with rubber soles, you had to take those off too. It was funny that the name of the Beatles album was “Rubber Soul”, except “soul” spelled s-o-u-l, like that real inside part of your mind, instead of s-o-l-e, like the bottom of your shoe. I remembered dad had laughed the first time he saw the album cover with those words on it and said something about it being “quite a metaphor”.

Abby had said that Rose liked me but was super shy, and Abby had made me swear that if she asked this guy Henry she liked to dance, that I had to ask Rose to dance . I had swore and we had shook hands. I mean I WANTED to ask Rose to dance, but what if she said NO and with everybody watching me. I could never go to school again, I’d be too embarrassed. And Lance and Ben and Danny would think I was so uncool, or else maybe think I was still kinda cool but ROSE was a bitch. I just wanted to dance with a girl, and she was the one I wanted to dance with.

So as I sat in the back of Homeroom by the windows with the cool boys, I watched her up at the front talking with Myrna and the other girls that liked Myrna, well Rose was more listening to them than talking very much. The first time she saw me looking at her she smiled but then looked away. The next time she saw me, she tried to smile again but she looked more nervous, like what was I up to and quickly looked away. Geez… asking her to dance was going to be so complicated. Was Abby telling the truth that Myrna had said that Rose actually liked me. And even if Myrna had really said that, did she really KNOW that Rose did?

***

So back home after school mom had made frozen Banquet Chicken Pot Pies and Le Sueur Peas for David and me for dinner. She had showed me how to make those kind of things myself, heating the oven to 400 degrees, putting the frozen chicken pies in for 35 minutes then setting the kitchen timer for 35 minutes, and putting the frozen bag of peas in a boiling saucepan of water for five minutes. David, who was in third grade now, could pretty much do it himself too, but she would usually make them for us at dinnertime, I think because she felt that was part of her job as a mom.

Abby’s mom had called on the phone and told mom that she was driving Abby to the dance and would drive me too, and mom had thanked her for doing that. I was going to wear the same clothes I had worn to school, but mom said I should wear more dressup clothes including my paisley shirt, black pants, and black leather dressup loafers, even though because it was a sock hop I would be taking them off anyway. I didn’t want to embarrass myself, and maybe give Rose another reason to say no if I asked her to dance, so that’s what I wore.

When the doorbell rang just before 7:00, mom looked at me, did her biggest smile, and said, “Have a great time sweetie”, and leaned over and gave me a kiss on the forehead. It was embarrassing, but at least no one saw her do that to me except David. I went to the front door and opened it and it was Abby with her hair all nice with a bow in it and a purple dress with white flowers on it under her coat.

“Yeah I know”, she said, “My mom made me wear this.” I nodded and looked down at MY dressup clothes.

“My mom made me wear this too”, I said.

“Figured”, she said, “You ready?” I nodded.

Mom came up and put her hands on my shoulders, which this time was SUPER embarrassing because Abby was there.

“Have a great time you two”, she said, still behind me. That was pretty embarrassing too because it sounded like Abby and I were going to the dance TOGETHER, like with each other and like we were going to dance with each other, like we had a crush on each other which we didn’t. I rolled my eyes and Abby saw and smiled. Her mom waved from the driver’s seat of their car down across the street, with the motor going and the lights on.

Mom waved back and called out to her, “Thanks again, Lois, I owe you one!” Abby’s mom waved a hand in front of her face like it was nothing.

Abby and I walked down to the car and got in the back seat next to each other. Abby’s mom turned and looked at us and smiled.

“Look at you two, all dressed up”, she said, “I should get the camera and take a picture of you two!”

“Don’t you DARE, mom!” Abby said fiercely. Then she looked at me and rolled HER eyes. I was glad that her mom said embarrassing stuff too, and it wasn’t just mine.

***

When we got to Tappan it was all lit up and there were lots of other cars dropping off kids.

“I don’t suppose you’d let me walk you in?” Abby’s mom asked.

“Yeah”, Abby said, “No way.” Her mom laughed through her nose.

“Okay”, she said, “Have a great time you two. I’ll be back a little after 9:30 to pick you two up. Find a phone and call me if you need me to come earlier.”

“Okay mom”, Abby said, starting to open the door and get out of the car. As I scooched over and got out the same door I could see her mom slowly shaking her head. We walked towards the school doors by the cafeteria. Abby’s mom drove away.

Abby looked over at me and said, “We probably should split up for now, so no one sees us and thinks we’re together.” I nodded and kind of let her walk faster than me and watched her go in the doors by herself. Then I went in.

Inside there were a bunch of kids dressed up in nice clothes, so I was glad mom made me dress up. There were a couple teachers telling kids where to go, up the stairs to the gym entrance on the second floor. I’d never gone into the gym that way, only from the boys’ locker room on the first floor. At the door they were making all of us take off our shoes and put them in the corner of the gym by the door. Even the grownups that were there had their shoes off too. It was strange seeing everybody with only socks on, especially because most everyone was dressed up, and the teachers were grownups too.

The gym was full of kids from school, a few I recognized and most that I didn’t, with a grownup teacher here and there, including my Math teacher Mr Kubiak, my Unified Studies and Homeroom teacher Mrs Woods, and my French teacher Miss Hulot. The walls on the sides had balloons attached to them, and on the other side of the gym floor there were a bunch of platforms hooked together with little staircases going up to them where four older boys, like from high school, were standing with my Band teacher Mr Balfort. Two of the older boys were holding shiny colored guitars, electric guitars, like the ones I’d seen on TV on “American Bandstand”, “Shindig” and “Where the Action Is”. I got excited since I realized I had never seen a rock band for real, just on TV.

It felt uncomfortable standing there by myself, when I could see that all the kids who were already there were standing and talking with groups of friends. It was like people were looking at me and saying, “Doesn’t he have any friends?” Of course I saw Mike, because he was so tall, talking to those other two cool kids in Phys Ed, Stephan and Max. I saw Frankie, Stuart and Arthur over by the platforms where the band was. I saw Teddy, Cal and Craig over in another part of the gym, but not Billy and Gill. And I saw all the eighth and ninth grade boys, most of them looking way older than me. When any of them looked at me, it felt like they were thinking, “What’s that little kid doing here?”

I saw Lance. He, Danny and Ben were talking to Ramona and a bunch of girls who were listening to them talk and laughing, but in that girl kind of way. They seemed like they were the cool girls, because they were pretty and talked and laughed with louder voices than some of the other girls. I wondered if Lance would say they were foxes or bitches.

There were LOTS of girls there, more than boys. They seemed to be standing together in bigger groups than the boys. Like one group was Abby, Beth, Myrna, Josie, Jenny, Millie and Julie – pretty much all the girls from my grade at Burns Park. Seeing Abby, I wondered if that Henry guy that SHE had a crush on was there, because I didn’t even know what he looked like.

I saw Rose there too, with Myrna and the rest of them. She was kind of looking around like she wasn’t sure why she was there and kept trying to fix her dress. I got that crush feeling again when I looked at her, and I started worrying about swearing to Abby that I would ask Rose to dance. I wasn’t sure I could actually do it, and if she was around all those other girls from Burns Park who knew me there was no way I could dare ask her.

“Hey Coop”, I heard a voice call out. It was Teddy, over by the wall on the right side of the gym where most of the other boys were, waving to me. I nodded and walked towards him, feeling better that all the other kids that seemed to be looking at me saw that I had friends. Cal and Craig were standing next to him, and both of them looked like THEY weren’t sure why they were there, which made me feel a little better.

Teddy pointed at the platform on the far side of the gym where Frankie, Stuart and Arthur were talking to the older boys standing on the platform with their electric guitars. I had almost never seen Arthur at school, because he wasn’t in any of my classes or my lunch or anything, and because there were a THOUSAND kids.

Teddy said, “Frankie said that Stuart and Arthur know the guys in the band. They go to Pioneer High, and he says they really rock out, especially Leon, who’s their main singer and plays guitar.”

Cal nodded and said, “Yep.” Craig just nodded. Arthur looked over our way, saw us and waved and walked over toward us.

“Cool”, I said to Teddy, figuring the more I could talk the more people would think I belonged there, “I can’t wait to hear them play, what songs they do. I never…” And I stopped before I said the rest of that sentence, that I’d never seen a rock band before except on TV, because that would make me sound like a little kid.

“Never what?” asked Teddy.

“Ah”, I thought fast, “Never heard any high school bands.”

“Me neither”, said Cal, shaking his head, “We’ll see if they’re any good.” Craig shook his head too.

“Hey”, said Teddy, “What do you think of that Monkees band with the TV show and their song, ‘Last Train to Clarksville’?” I’d heard the song on the radio and playing on jukeboxes around town.

Arthur had finally gotten to us. He said, “The Monkees? Nuh unh.” He made a fist and pointed the thumb down. I’d seen that in those movies about ancient Rome where the emperor points his thumb down if he thinks the one gladiator who won the match should kill the other gladiator he defeated.

“They aren’t a real band”, Arthur said, “They can barely play their instruments. They just look cute on TV for all the adoring girls who scream, like they do with the Beatles.” He pointed at the older boys with their guitars up on the platform. “Now THESE guys can play their instruments, they’re really good, especially Leon, but all of them.”

“What’s the name of their band?” Cal asked.

“They told me”, said Arthur, “But I’m not remembering. Something like ‘Goon Squad’?”

“Cool”, said Cal, nodding. Teddy and I said “Cool” too and nodded. Finally Craig said, “I LIKE the Monkees!”

“My dear boy”, said Arthur, shaking his head slowly and snorting a sort of laugh through his nose, “You need a whole musical education that I do not have time to give you right now.” Craig wrinkled his nose and looked kind of mad, but didn’t say anything. I kind of liked the Monkees too, but I wasn’t going to say anything after what Arthur said.

“You guys remember my sister Ginny?” he said, “She’s the drummer Mitch’s girlfriend.”

“Do they make out?” asked Teddy. I couldn’t figure out WHY he’d think to ask that, but I WAS curious what Arthur would answer.

“All over the place”, Arthus said, “Whenever they think no one is looking.”

“Wow”, said Teddy, “So you spy on her?”

“I almost don’t need to”, Arthur said shaking his head, “He’s always got his hands all over her.”

“He feels her up?” Cal asked.

“Bigtime”, Arthur said, nodding and opening his eyes really wide.

“Like up here?” Teddy asked, putting his hand in front of his chest.

“Oh yeah”, Arthur said, “They’re called ‘tits’ Teddy, and my sister’s got big ones.”

I hadn’t talked to Arthur in a long time, and he seemed to have changed. He was still into music, and played guitar, and played cello in Cadet Orchestra here at Tappan. But he knew all the sex stuff now, probably because he had a way older sister. I wondered if he would be asking some girl to dance tonight.

“Third base too”, Arthur said, like he was a super cool kid that knew everything.”

“Third base too?” asked Teddy, amazed, “Like you mean down there?” He pointed a finger down between his legs.

“Oh I’m sure”, said Arthur, “Totally sure.”

“Well, have you seen them?” asked Teddy.

“Not exactly”, said Arthur.

“Then how can you be sure?” asked Teddy.

“Because he’s always touching the top part of her body and then moving his hands down lower”, said Arthur, “But then she stops him and says something like ‘not here’.”

Teddy finally stopped asking and thought about that. I looked over at Rose across the gym with Myrna and couldn’t even imagine doing that to her either up there or down below.

A loud voice came through the speakers. It was Mr Balfort, standing on the platform at the microphone stand. “Welcome everybody to Tappan’s fall Sock Hop. Does everyone have their shoes off?” A bunch of kids nodded and others cheered.

One older boy called out, “Yeah… we can see Cindy Sharp’s cute feet!” It looked like Mr Balfort pretended he didn’t hear that and continued to talk into the microphone.

“Friedrich Nietzsche”, he said, “Who you probably won’t learn about until high school, once said, ‘Without music, life would be a mistake.’”

“Who’s he, the ninth grade counselor?” some older boy called out.

“Very funny”, said Mr Balfort, slowly nodding his head, but he didn’t SOUND like he thought it was very funny.

“Okay then”, he said, clapping his hands together, a thing grownups seemed to do a lot when they were trying to keep in charge of things, but kids never did.

“Without further ado”, he said, “Let’s welcome, from Pioneer High all the way down Stadium Boulevard, featuring Tappan alumnae Jason Stedman, who played trombone in our Concert Band two years ago.”

Mr Balfort looked at the kids in the band on the platform behind him, “Though he doesn’t appear to be playing trombone tonight.” The older kid in the band behind him with the bass guitar shook his head.

Some older boy behind me called out, “Just let ‘em play Mr B!”

Now Mr Balfort looked kind of mad, and looked for the kid who had just said that and said, “That’s pretty rude, son!” I looked around and a lot of the boys, the older ones and the cool seventh graders were shaking their heads or rolling their eyes.

I could see the Orchestra teacher, Mr Denisov, say something to Mr. Balfort, who then nodded.

“So without further ado, here’s ‘Goon Squad’…” He kind of wrinkled his nose when he said their name. But then that Jason kid said something to him.

“My mistake”, he said, seeming kind of mad, which was how he often was in Band class, “Goon SQUID!”

That Jason guy walked up to the microphone stand and said, “Hey, thank you Mr Balfort for letting us play at your sock hop. It feels really strange to be back here. And I still play trombone too, but most rock bands don’t need a trombone player.”

“What about the Sunliners?” some older boy called out.

“Well, yeah, them, I guess”, Jason said. He backed away from the microphone stand and looked at that Leon guy, the other guitar player. Leon looked back at the drummer behind him who raised up his drumsticks and clicked them together four times. Leon and Jason looked at each other and started playing their guitars, loud but loud sounded good, then the drummer started drumming and the fourth guy in the band, playing one of those electric organ things, started playing too. Leon, playing his guitar, walked up to the microphone and started to sing…

I′d like to tell you ’bout my baby
You know she comes around
Just ′bout five-feet, four
All from her head to the ground
Know she comes around here
Just about midnight
Makes me feel so good
Makes me feel alright

It was that “Gloria” song. I’d heard it many times on the radio and jukeboxes. It was about this girl I guess he had a crush on and they would make out together at night, maybe even do real sex stuff. A lot of the older girls started dancing with other girls, or just dancing by themselves. It looked like a lot of the seventh grade girls were looking at the dancing older girls and wondering if they might like to, or should be dancing too.

None of the boys were really dancing, though some were kind of moving back and forth to the beat. I guess a lot of us had seen those dancing shows on TV, like “American Bandstand”, “Hullabaloo”, “Shindig”, and “Where the Action Is”. On those shows most girls danced with boys, though some girls danced with other girls. Boys NEVER danced with other boys on TV, I guess that would make them look like sissies.

A few of the older boys had I guess already asked a girl to dance so they started dancing with them, but just a few. Most of the cool boys, particularly the seventh grade ones, weren’t dancing yet, and I saw Ramona with her fists on her waist looking mad and talking to Lance on the other side of the gym. I couldn’t hear what she was saying to him, but it looked like he wasn’t doing what she wanted to do. Then she grabbed his hand and tried to pull him out where other kids were dancing. He made a funny face and shook his head. She finally threw his hand back at him and walked real fast away from him toward the gym doors on that side, like maybe she was going to leave. A couple of her girl friends ran after her looking like they were trying to stop her.

The “Gloria” song had that chorus part where the guy singing called out the letters of her name. I knew it was coming and I think a lot of the other kids there did too. Leon sang…

And her name is…

He started calling out the letters, one at a time, one measure of the music at a time. Because of Band class, I could tell the song was in 4/4, which meant four beats to a measure and each quarternote got one beat. First he said “G”, my mind counting the “2, 3, 4”. Then when he said the “L”, a few of the older boys called it out with him. A few of the older girls joined in too when he said the “O”. And a few more for the “R”. Then for the next measure they all sang “aye, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi”, which I had always thought was one of the coolest parts of the song.

The rest of us, boys and girls, who hadn’t sung along yet, looked around like it would be fun for us to do that too, and I think most of us, who knew the song, knew we’d have one more chance on the second chorus. Jason, playing bass guitar, moved up to the microphone stand next to Leon singing, who called out the letters quickly in a loud choppy voice, and Jason sang the name after him…

G-L-O-R-I-A (Gloria)
G-L-O-R-I-A (Gloria)

Then Leon sang the next two lines with Jason singing the name at the end…

I’m gonna shout all night (Gloria)
I’m gonna shout it at every place (Gloria)

It was really cool to watch kids like us actually singing a real rock song from the radio like they were a real band, like we were in charge now.

I also wondered if the guy who wrote the song really liked Gloria, or just had a serious crush on her. It seemed like some guys wanted to make out with girls, maybe even have sex with them, that they didn’t really like very much, but because they had a nice body, were pretty, and would say yes to doing stuff like that, even though some people might call them sluts.

So Leon sang the second verse, which was pretty much the same words as the first except it ended with…

Why don′t you come up to my house?
Knock upon my door
And then she called out my name
That made me feel alright

So it made him feel alright that she called out his name, like she really had a crush on HIM too, because for sure it sounded like he had a crush on HER.

So the second time Leon called out all the letters lots of us called them out too, even some of the girls. And at the end of the song some kids yelled out “yeah” and others just yelled out and everybody clapped. Leon nodded at the microphone stand and said, “Thanks folks. We’re the Goon Squid. And this is just our second paid gig like EVER.” He pointed at Mr Balfort and said, “Thanks again to Mr Balfort”, and then looking out at the crowd, “And Arthur Newman and Julian Katz for recommending us, wherever you guys are.” This older kid held up two fingers in one of those peace signs and Arthur waved from where he was by us.

“But onward”, Leon said, and he looked at Jason who started playing these low notes on his bass guitar, and then the drummer joined in, and finally Leon with his guitar and the organ player too. Then he and Jason moved up to the microphone stand and sang in harmony a song I couldn’t remember hearing before…

Eight miles high, and when you touch down
You’ll find that it’s stranger than known
Signs in the street, that say where you’re going
Are somewhere just being their own

It was hard to understand the words, and the ones I understood didn’t make much sense, but I kind of nodded my head to the music. I looked across the gym and saw Rose and Myrna with the other girls. Rose was kind of nodding her head to the music too, I wondered if she’d heard the song before.

I was trying to figure out HOW I was going to ask her to dance, especially since she was hanging out with Myrna, who I always thought hated me until Abby told me that Myrna used to actually LIKE me and was super mad when I did the pencil thing last year. I couldn’t think of anything better than just to go up to Rose and ask, “Do you want to dance?”, but maybe I should be over on that side near her but kind of somewhere where they didn’t see me and maybe wait until Myrna left her by herself for a minute. But wouldn’t they notice me on that side that was still mostly girls? And geez, what if she said no!

The song finished and kids clapped but nobody yelled “yeah” or anything like that. I could see Leon looked worried.

“So…”, he said into the microphone, “Guess nobody knew that one.” He looked at the other guys in the band and they all shrugged their shoulders. This one older boy by the platform raised his hand and waved it.

Leon laughed through his nose and said, “Julian, of course YOU know it!”

Some older boy yelled out, “Play ‘Last Train to Clarksville’!” I could see Leon laughing through his nose.

“What? Monkees?” he said, “Never!”

He swung his head back and looked at the drummer and nodded, and that guy held up his drum sticks again and clicked them together four times, and then he beat hard on his drums while the other three kind of banged on their instruments to the same beat.

Buh duh duh duh duh duh buh duh duh duh duh duh

Then Leon, Jason and the organ guy started marching in place as they played their instruments, Leon then marching up to the microphone stand and starting singing…

Shapes
Of things before my eyes
Just teach me to despise
Will time make men more wise?

Then again, all four of them banging away on their drums, organ and guitars…

Buh duh duh duh duh duh buh duh duh duh duh duh

“Ooo the Yardbirds”, said Arthur, still with us, his eyes twinkling with excitement, “I LOVE that song.”

Teddy rolled his eyes and shook his head slowly, looked at Arthur and asked, “Are the Yardbirds British?” Arthur nodded.

“Figured”, Teddy said, smiling, as Leon started singing the second verse as he looked out at all of us and asked the song’s question…

Here
Within my lonely frame
My eyes just hurt my brain
But will it seem the same?

I remembered when Mike had come over the day before we went to Cape Cod last August, and brought the forty five of this song so I could hear it. August seemed like forever ago when I was still a kid with an okay life, even though mom and dad were divorced. But now…

Come tomorrow, will I be older?
Come tomorrow, maybe a soldier
Come tomorrow, may I be bolder than today?

I thought about all those older kids protesting on campus, the US sending all those other older kid soldiers to Vietnam to fight and thousands of them had got killed. Mike said we all needed to be out there protesting, resisting, saying no to “the man”, being “bolder than today”.

I looked across the gym and found where Rose was, Myrna still with her. I had to get over to that side so I would be close enough to walk up to Rose and ask her when the chance came. I looked at the group of friends I was with and I didn’t want them to ask where I was going.

“I gotta take a leak”, I said, which was about the coolest way I could think to say that, and a couple of them looked at me and nodded as they also nodded along to the beat of the song. So I headed on my own now back toward the doors to the gym on the far side as the song continued, and again the chorus…

Come tomorrow, will I be older?
Come tomorrow, may be a soldier
Come tomorrow, may I be bolder than today?

Geez… I wanted to be a hell of a lot bolder than I was today, that’s for sure. Leon did the guitar solo but it sounded kind of screechy and I could see all the band members wince. At least he was bold enough to try. I thought of Mike again when Leon sang the last verse, three of them in the band marching again while they played and he sang…

Soon, I hope that I will find
Thoughts deep within my mind
That won’t disgrace my kind

The song ended and people clapped harder and the “yeah”s and other cheers were back. I was by those gym doors now and I saw Miss Hulot, my French teacher, who was standing there, the grownup in charge there and telling kids to take off their shoes and where to put them. She saw me and smiled.

“How are you doing, Cooper”, she said, speaking with that French accent that some of the boys said was “sexy”.

I nodded and said, “Okay.” I looked over to where Rose and Myrna were, not far from where I was now. They were not really dancing but kind of moving their bodies and looking around, but didn’t see me.

Maybe talking to Miss Hulot was a good way to be on this side of the gym where most of the girls were. The girls and boys WERE starting to mix together some, groups of boys together wandering over to the girls side. Some boys and girls were even dancing together now. I couldn’t help but notice Mike, because he was so tall, dancing with this tall girl, I think her name was Arlene. I noticed Beth dancing with some boy, also Josie, and even Alice, who was dancing with a boy who kind of looked like a hippy like she did.

The band started up their next song, again the drummer clicking his drum sticks together in the air four times, and all four of them banging on their instruments, but the guy on the organ playing a tune while the others kept banging. Finally Leon turned to the microphone and sang…

What you want
Honey you’ve got it
And what you need
Baby you’ve got it
All I’m asking
Is for a little respect when I come home

I’d heard that song many times, though I still wasn’t sure what “respect” meant. Was it more like being nice, or more like following orders.

“Do you like the band?” Miss Hulot asked, startling me, “They seem quite good for high school students.” I nodded again, but that seemed pretty lame. If I was going to ask Rose to dance, I at least had to be able to have a conversation with Miss Hulot, which gave me some reason to be over there so it didn’t look like I was just lurking around Rose and Myrna. I mean I WAS lurking around Rose and Myrna, but I didn’t want to LOOK LIKE I was.

“Yeah”, I finally said to Miss Hulot, “They play their instruments really well, especially the organ player guy.” And then I got up the courage to add, “Don’t you think?”

She nodded and smiled and said in French, “Oui. Il est très bon. Ils le sont tous.”

“Il est très magnifique”, I said, and she laughed a little through her nose.

“Forgive me, I’m so bad”, she said, “Bravo… you are trying to speak French, though I might say instead, ‘Il est VRAIMENT magnifique’, ‘He is TRULY magnificent’.”

I nodded and said “Oui” and looked again over to where Myrna and Rose were, I guess hoping that someone would ask maybe Myrna to dance, and then Rose would be all alone and it would be easier for me to ask her. I could tell that Rose saw me, though she didn’t wave or anything, but she turned back and said something quietly to Myrna, who kind of looked in my direction for a second but then looked away.

“Are you going to ask anyone to dance?” Miss Hulot asked, surprising me again.

“I don’t know”, I said, not looking at her and shrugging my shoulders.

“I would dance”, she said, “But I think I’m a little old for you.” THAT was embarrassing, and I couldn’t believe she said that, but at least nobody around us seemed to hear it.

***

The band had finished playing their first bunch of songs and was taking a short break and I STILL hadn’t asked Rose to dance, though I think maybe she and Myrna were wondering what I was up to. While I was standing not too far from them, Mike had come by to say hi, and he had Arlene with him, and the three of us had talked about the band and the songs. Arlene had said that she actually asked MIKE to dance, and I thought to myself, only Mike was SO cool and SO nice that a girl would actually ask HIM to dance.

Then the band started up again, with Leon playing a super loud wailing note on his guitar, followed by the four of them banging on their instruments to the beat. Most of us kids could tell by that beat and the notes they were playing that the song was “Wild Things” by the Troggs. Some boys cheered, and the energy of the music made most everybody move, though only some kids, girls and boys or girls with other girls, were dancing.

Mike and Arlene started dancing next to me, and Mike said if I wasn’t going to dance with anyone else I should dance with them. I didn’t want to say no to Mike, and the pounding song almost forced you to move your body, so I started kind of moving around. I didn’t really know how to do a particular DANCE, like the Twist or the Watusi, but I looked around and most everybody else who was dancing didn’t either. But I made sure to only KIND OF dance and not point myself towards Mike or Arlene, so it didn’t really look like I was dancing with THEM, particularly with HER. I didn’t want Rose to see me dancing, like maybe I’d asked some other girl to dance. I peeked over at Rose and she was kind of dancing, not so much WITH Myrna but more NEXT TO her.

The next song was “I’m Losing You” by the Temptations, the first slow song the band had played. Leon kind of moaned into the microphone…

Your love is fading, I can feel your love fading
Girl, it’s fading away from me
‘Cause your touch, your touch has grown cold
As if someone else controls your very soul
I’ve fooled myself long as I can
Can feel the presence of another man

The song always brought goosebumps up on my arms, especially the chorus parts, in this case with all those loud sad chords on the organ, like the whole world was coming apart…

It’s there when you speak my name
It’s just not the same
Ooh baby, I’m losing you
It’s in the air
It’s everywhere
Ooh baby, I’m losing you

The older boys and girls, who had been dancing apart during the regular songs, who I guess knew more about dancing, moved towards each other and put their hands on each other’s waists, or shoulders, or one of each. Some held each other’s bodies still apart, while others just kind of hugged each other. You could see the seventh-grade boys and girls, seeing the older kids slow dancing like that, starting to do it too. Mike and Arlene each put one hand on the other’s shoulder and the other hand on the other’s waist, like they knew what they were doing. I saw Lance and Ramona dancing, after it seemed earlier that she was mad at him and had left the gym. I just kind of swayed to the music and kind of glanced over at Rose and Myrna again.

Rose was there, swaying to the music too, but Myrna wasn’t, and I couldn’t see her anywhere. I wondered if someone had asked her to dance, or she had to go to the bathroom or something. I realized that it was getting late and the band might not play that much longer. It hit me that if I didn’t ask Rose to dance pretty soon, I’d miss my chance, and from then on, she’d think I didn’t like her, even though Abby had said that Myrna had thought that maybe Rose liked me. I wouldn’t be able to even LOOK at her in Homeroom, not even a little bit like I did now. And if we DID happen to look at each other by accident, she wouldn’t smile at me anymore. But given all that, we were in the middle of a SLOW song, and if I asked her and she said okay, we would have to slow dance, touch each other for our first dance together.

I know it’s true
There’s someone new
Oh baby, baby, baby, I’m losing you

Finally the song ended. The mostly older kids around me who were slow dancing with each other stopped holding each other and clapped. Leon strummed his guitar in a loud chord.

“Okay, enough of that”, he said, and then trying to sound kind of wild, “How bout some more rock n roll!” Lots of boys yelled, a few girls too. Ramona put one finger in her mouth from each hand and made a loud whistling noise.

I looked at Rose standing there all by herself, about ten feet from me, looking worried, but then she was looking back at me and she smiled and gave the littlest wave with her hand. Suddenly I felt the fear of NOT asking her become more than the fear of asking. I took a step towards her, and I saw her eyes take note of that. And just as I called out to ask her to dance, that Leon guy banged out the first four chords to the Kinks “All Day and All of the Night” on his guitar. Most of the other kids recognized the song too and many of them yelled again and it felt like a bolt of electricity went through the giant room.

Rose, now looking at me and suddenly looking worried, said, “What?”

I was committed now, but it felt good to not be able to turn back.

“Do you want to dance?” I asked again. The look on her face changed but it was still kind of worried.

“With you?” she asked. Did she want to dance, but not with me? I felt a pain in my stomach, and I just looked at her for a second but managed to get myself to nod.

“Okay”, she finally said, nodding fast, and the absolute relief washed over me as the rest of the band joined in with their instruments.

She turned to face me, about four feet away, and looked down at the floor and started to shuffle her body back and forth, which made me feel better, because I could tell that she didn’t really know how to dance either.

I faced her, and started to move my body back and forth, trying to remember what my babysitter Margie had taught me about dancing to rock music, like somehow making my hips looser. But soon it really hit me that I was actually dancing… dancing with a GIRL. A GIRL! She’d said yes and we were dancing. I could feel my arms shivering and the goosebumps came up. She finally looked up from the floor at me and smiled again, this time not looking so worried, and then she looked down again as Leon’s voice came loud and sharp over the speakers. With each line his voice got sharper, and the band got louder behind him…

I’m not content to be with you in the daytime
Girl, I want to be with you all of the time
The only time I feel alright is by your side
Girl, I want to be with you all of the time

The words made total sense. During the day we were in Homeroom together but could barely even look at each other. It was nighttime now and everything was different, and jeez I felt alright by her side. And then Jason’s voice joined in…

All day and all of the night

With both Leon and Jason singing that last line real loud together, I could just feel the energy of all the kids in the gym, especially all the ones dancing, imagining what those words meant, not war between boys and girls but something completely different, being TOGETHER ALL THE TIME, and everything different that could mean.

Rose and I didn’t even really look at each other at that point, that just seemed way too intense, like if I looked at her while he was singing the words it would be like I was saying them to her. We were just happy to be dancing with someone instead of just standing there feeling like we were alone and stupid…

I believe that you and me last forever
Oh yeah, all day and nighttime yours, leave me never

The words were visions of being married, sleeping together, making out and even having sex, and neither of us could look at the other while he sang them and they crashed through our minds.

Finally it got to the point of the guitar solo, Leon’s guitar screeched away, going up and down the notes, not quite as nice as the real song, but we didn’t care. He was a KID, like US, taking charge, and we yelled and cheered when he was done, and then again after the band banged out the last four chords of the song.

Rose and I stopped dancing and we tried to look at each other, but I was afraid she would see all the feelings I was feeling on my face, which felt too embarrassing, and it felt like she was feeling maybe the same way, so we both turned toward the band and clapped. The drummer immediately raised his drum sticks over his head and clicked them together four times and the organ player banged out a whole set of chords that I didn’t recognize. Then the rest of the band joined in and Leon approached the microphone stand and sang…

You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather
But I’m a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
Look pretty young, but I’m just back dated, yeah

I’d heard the song a couple times on jukeboxes but didn’t really know it very well, or even who did it, but now, hearing the lyrics again, it seemed like the older boy in the song was worried about what other kids thought of him, especially his girlfriend. I wondered if after dancing like this, Rose and I were supposed to become boyfriend and girlfriend, but I don’t think I was ready for that, I still really hadn’t TALKED to her. But she seemed to like dancing with me so that made me feel good. I liked dancing with her too, and I could tell that she was really shy, so that was okay. More words from the song caught my attention as Rose and I continued to dance among other kids around us…

And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It’s a genuine problem, you won’t try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by

The boy in the song getting angry at his girlfriend surprised me and made me worried, even scared. Was this the kind of thing that happened between boyfriends and girlfriends? Lance had said that Ramona had been his girlfriend over the summer and he bragged to us that they made out or even got to third base. But then he teased her in Homeroom, with Ben, Danny and even me helping him, by calling her a “slut”, which made her really angry, which made sense that she would be. Tonight earlier in the sock hop I’d seen Ramona with Lance, then she got mad at him and left the gym. But now she was back and dancing with him. Why did she even like him anymore after he called her a slut?

Substitute me for him
Substitute my Coke for gin
Substitute you for my mom
At least I’ll get my washing done
Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine looking suit is really made out of sack

I knew what Coke and gin were, and substituting lies for fact, but the rest of the lyrics confused me, and I was glad when the song finally ended.

“All right”, said Leon to the microphone, “Here’s another slow one for you to dance close to your girl or your guy.” A shiver went through my body. Would Rose and I slow dance touching each other?

He played a long slow chord on his guitar and then the organ player played the melody and the drummer tapped lightly on the drums. It was the beginning of “Cherish” by the Association…

Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside

The pairs of girls and boys dancing around us moved close to each other with hands reaching out for the other’s waist and shoulders. Not wanting to be continuing to dance apart while everyone around us was getting close, I took a not so sure step towards Rose and then she took one towards me, which I figured meant that we should slow dance close like others around us. I’d seen on shows on TV, even cartoons, with a man and woman, or even Bugs Bunny and a female rabbit, starting one of those Tango dances where the man grabbed the woman around her waist and pulled her against him, one arm wrapped around her while the other grabbed her outstretched hand. But this wasn’t that.

You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you

Rose and I looked at what the others were doing around us. When we got closer I dared to put my hand on her shoulder. It felt warm and like electricity running through my body, but then WAY more so when she put her hand on that side on my side above my hip, and she put her other hand on my other shoulder, and my other hand went around HER waist. There was a strange urge to pull her body against mine, I don’t know where THAT came from, but I resisted it. We were about a foot apart, hands holding shoulders and waists. We both looked down at our feet, and I wasn’t sure if that was to make sure we were doing everything right with our hands and our feet, or that we still just couldn’t look at each other in the eyes, that would be WAY too intense.

Perish is the word that more than applies
To the hope in my heart each time I realize
That I am not gonna be the one to share your dreams

Those were the words that reminded me of dad, and mom and dad getting divorced. And then, like in the “Substitute” song, when he gets disappointed with her…

That I am not gonna be the one to share your schemes
That I am not gonna be the one to share what
Seems to be the life that you could cherish as much as I do yours

I never understood that last line. Shouldn’t it be “as much as I do YOU”? Like he cherished HER, but she only cherished her life of schemes. But mostly, it was just sad that they couldn’t figure it out, like mom and dad couldn’t.

An older boy and girl dancing next to us had pressed their bodies together as they danced, the sides of their faces even touching. I saw it and could see that Rose had too. I was wondering if that is why I’d had that feeling of pulling her against me, but would she think I was bad if I did that. There was no way I’d risk that. Rose seemed okay dancing the way we were now, about a foot apart. I was too, I guess. I mean it was close enough that I could feel the energy of her body, even though I couldn’t feel her actual body against me, well, just where my one hand touched her shoulder and the other her waist. Touching her waist, feeling that part of her body through her dress felt, it was that word that grownups used and was in some of the stories I was reading, “intimate”.

Oh I’m beginning to think that man has never found
The words that could make you want me
That have the right amount of letters, just the right sound
That could make you hear, make you see
That you are drivin’ me out of my mind

I thought of dad again, and how it seemed he’d never really figured mom out. That kind of made sense, because I was having trouble trying to figure her out now too, why she was so sad and mad all the time and why she just sat on her bed watching TV all the time.

Oh I could say I need you but then you’d realize
That I want you just like a thousand other guys
Who’d say they loved you with all the rest of their lies
When all they wanted was to touch your face, your hands
And gaze into your eyes

So older boys would tell lies just to get intimate with a girl like that who was really pretty and really nice too. Probably to make out with them too. If I was older would I want to make out with Rose? She was probably a year older than I was, would she already want to make out with me? If she told me she wanted to, could I even do it?

And I do cherish you
And I do cherish you
Cherish is the word

And the song was over. I let go of her shoulder and waist, but she still touched mine for another second or two until she did the same. What did that mean?

She finally looked up and looked at me looking at her and said, “You’re a good dancer.”

How could I be a good dancer, I thought, I never danced like this before. Mom had taught me that “foxtrot” dance when I was little, but that wasn’t anything like the way we were dancing. Whether or not she was right, I figured I better say the same thing to her.

“You’re a good dancer too”, I said. I didn’t know enough about dancing to know if she really was or not, but I figured she just said it to me to be nice, so I should say it to her too, and it at least made her smile.

“Thanks”, she said, it was the first time I saw her eyes twinkle, “I like to dance. I wasn’t sure you were going to actually ask me.” That last thing worried me, like she had been waiting for me to ask her to dance since the beginning of the sock hop, like she maybe totally had a crush on me or something.

I wasn’t sure what to say to that, but the band started their next song so I didn’t have to. First it was the organ player playing the opening notes and I recognized the song right away. It was that band that always dressed up like Revolutionary War soldiers that I’d seen on that “Where the Action Is” show. Then Jason playing the bass guitar started playing and finally the drummer joined in. And then Leon kind of growled into the microphone like he was angry…

Girl, you thought you found the answer
On that magic carpet ride last night

I wondered if “magic carpet ride” meant making out, or even sex…

But when you wake up in the mornin’
The world still gets you uptight

Rose seemed to be dancing with more energy now, not just swaying back and forth, not so shy, but moving her arms up and down like she was getting “into it”, like some older kids would say. I remember seeing kids dance like that on those music shows. I wasn’t sure what to do but I tried to do what she was doing with her arms. Though I felt kind of stupid, I felt I’d be more stupid just swaying back and forth like I was doing before…

Well, there’s nothin’ that you ain’t tried
To fill the emptiness inside
When you come back down, girl
Still ain’t feelin’ right

It was another song about a guy worrying about a girl who thought maybe she was super cool but then found out that she wasn’t. That seemed to be what a lot of songs were about, like with the Beatles…

And don’t it seem like
Kicks just keep gettin’ harder to find
And all your kicks ain’t bringin’ you peace of mind
Before you find out it’s too late, girl
You better get straight
No, but not with kicks, you just need help, girl

I’d never used that “kicks” word like that, but I’d heard older kids and grownups use it, say “get your kicks”, like have your fun. Even some of my friends said that, trying to sound cool. In the song it seemed like more complicated girlfriend boyfriend stuff, but Rose seemed to be getting HER “kicks” dancing, so I just tried not to think too much and danced with her.

Then there was one of those “Interludes”, that’s what our Band teacher, Mr Balfort would call it, where the song slowed way down, so much so that both Rose and I stopped the dancing for a minute. Leon sang, not as loud and slowly shaking his head…

No, you don’t need kicks
To help you face the world each day
That road goes nowhere
I’m gonna help you find yourself another way

I don’t think either of us knew what those kind of “kicks” were, like maybe something you liked doing but was bad to other people, but once the interlude was over and the regular song started back up, Rose and I were back to our dancing with the arms up and down. It was kind of cool that we sort of stopped and started at the same time, like we weren’t on opposite teams, like Molly and I used to feel. Finally the song was over and her cheeks were kind of red and her forehead just a little bit sweaty and I could kind of smell her too, but that was all really cool, because she was getting “into it”. We both clapped at the end of the song, but she clapped not like “oh that was nice”, but more like “that was really cool”.

“Thanks!” that Leon guy said into the microphone, “This next one I worked on all afternoon to get the opening just right. Wish me luck!” He turned a knob on his guitar and his fingers plucked the beginning notes of a song. I recognized it as “Paint it Black” by the Rolling Stones. Then the drummer banged on two of his drums eight times before the organ and bass guitar joined in and Leon moaned out the words like he was really angry, though I don’t think he really was…

I see a red door
And I want it painted black
No colors anymore
I want them to turn black

I had no idea what the words of the song were talking about, I don’t think Rose did either, but we kind of pretended that we were feeling them as we started to dance with each other, making kind of pretend angry faces, like we were letting the music tell us.

But after that one was another slow song, “Walk Away Renee”. The organ player did most of the music playing, with just a little bit of drums and notes on the bass guitar, with Leon at the microphone singing…

And when I see the sign,
that points one way
The light we used to pass by,
every day

We moved up to each other to slow dance again. Rose said, “I LOVE this song, but it’s so sad!” Again, she rested her left hand on my right shoulder and put her right hand on my waist, but maybe more around it than before. We still couldn’t look at each other when we slow danced, and she looked off to the left of me, but it felt like she was more relaxed than the first slow dance.

But when we got to the last verse I was surprised that she pressed her body against mine, wrapped her arms around my back, and turned her head and rested it against my shoulder…

Your name and mine inside
a heart upon a wall
Still finds a way to haunt me,
though they’re so small

I don’t remember EVER being so close to another person, well maybe when mom hugged me, but not another kid, not even Molly. Rose’s hair smelled nice, like flowers, and I felt the energy all over her warm body against mine as our feet slowly shuffled back and forth. And then for the final chorus I just forgot about the rest of the world and let the words flow through us pressed against each other…

Just walk away Renee,
You won’t see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block are not the same
You’re not to blame

The song ended. It was a second or two before she moved herself away from me and actually raised her head looked into my eyes with hers. I could tell in her eyes that she was thinking a bunch of stuff at once. She tried to smile at me but it looked like there was too much going on inside her mind.

Leon was up at the microphone, looking around like he was looking for someone. “Where’s Balfort?” he asked. That Jason guy playing bass pointed off to the side of the platform. Leon walked over and talked to Mr Balfort and he nodded and Leon nodded too and came back to the microphone.

“So one more, boys and girls”, Leon said, “You’ve been a great audience!” Everyone clapped and some kids yelled.

I think that same boy yelled again, “Play ‘Last Train to Clarksville’!” Leon looked out at the kid and wrinkled his nose.

“Never heard of it”, he said, then looking at his other band members who just shook their heads. Then he looked back at the kid who yelled and said, “Sorry!”

He looked at the guy playing organ and said, “Take it away, Sebastian.” The organ guy played the first notes and then pounded the first chords of “96 Tears” while Leon snapped his fingers and swaying back and forth, moved up to the microphone stand, grabbed it and tilted it forward like I’d seen some singers do on TV as he sang into it in his moany voice…

Too many teardrops for one heart to be crying
Too many teardrops for one heart to carry on

Rose and I, still close to each other but not touching, went back to our regular dancing. Rose shook her head to the “too many” words like she agreed with what he was singing, or at least she was acting like how he felt…

You’re way on top now since you left me
You’re always laughing way down at me
But watch out now, I’m gonna get there
We’ll be together for just a little while
And then I’m gonna put you way down here
And you’ll start crying ninety-six tears

It was one of those war between the boys and the girls songs. In the song, she stopped being his girlfriend and was now “on top”, but he was planning to get her back, put her “way down” and make her cry. I guess a song about being happy and nice to your girlfriend wasn’t very interesting…

Ninety-six tears, cry, cry, cry
Come on, baby, let me hear you cry now, all night long
Uh, ninety-six tears, yeah, come on now
Uh, ninety-six tears

And the band was done. We all turned toward them and clapped and some kids yelled out. Ramona, still with Lance, did her whistle again. While I was still clapping I felt Rose’s hand touch my arm, which kind of surprised me.

She said, “We should go down to the cafeteria and get a pop. I told Myrna I’d meet her down there.” I nodded, not even thinking about MY friends who I’d been with earlier. I noted that she said “we”, like we were together now, and not just two people who decided to do some dancing together. Rose and I found our jackets and our shoes and put them on, Miss Hulot smiling at us as we walked by her out of the gym. Rose and I went down the stairs to the first floor and walked down the hallway towards the cafeteria. It was so strange that this was the same hallway I walked down each day at school, that I wouldn’t DARE walk down next to a girl.

The cafeteria had a lot of kids in it, sitting at tables, drinking stuff or eating popcorn or other snacks. I looked around to see who was there and who might see us together. I saw my friends Cal and Teddy, talking to each other off in a corner, but didn’t try to wave at them or call out their names to get their attention. I’d rather my friends didn’t notice me with Rose, or at least not try to come over and talk to me when I was with her. Rose was looking around too, maybe thinking the same thing.

I saw Abby, sitting across from some guy, maybe that Henry guy she swore she would ask to dance if I asked Rose. I wondered, since guys usually asked girls to dance, how she would get Henry to ask HER to dance. I hadn’t thought to ask her when we’d talked about it last Tuesday after math club. She saw me with Rose and did a big smile.

I pointed out to Rose a big table in the far corner that didn’t have any people sitting at it yet. She looked and nodded and we headed over there. We didn’t see Myrna anywhere. I saw Beth, who was sitting with Josie and a bunch of other girls. We sat on either side of the table and looked at each other.

“We should get something to drink”, Rose said. I’d forgotten that was the whole reason we’d gone down to the cafeteria, but now I wasn’t sure what I should do. In movies or TV shows, men always bought women stuff to drink. Even older boys did that with older girls, at least on TV shows. But if I asked Rose what she wanted and bought it for her, did that mean I was like trying to make her my girlfriend, or maybe she would at least THINK I was trying to do that. I didn’t know what to say so I wasn’t saying ANYTHING, which felt pretty stupid.

Lucky for me Rose said, “Let’s go look at what they have.” We can put our jackets on the chairs to save our seats.” We walked over to where there was a grownup woman selling pop. She looked at the two of us and smiled.

“So what can I get you two?” she asked, then looking at Rose, “Young lady?” That seemed to be the rule, that girls always went first before boys. I wasn’t sure why, but that’s just how things seemed to usually work.

“I’ll get a Vernor’s Ginger Ale”, Rose said.

“Have you had it before?” the woman asked, “It’s kind of spicy!”

Rose nodded, looking a little mad and said, “Yes. It’s my favorite.”

The woman pulled the bottle out of a big plastic tub of pop bottles and ice, opened the cap and handed it to Rose.

The woman turned to me and asked, “And how about you, young man?”

“I’ll have a Coke”, I said. At home, if we had pop at all, other than mom’s Tab, it was usually Seven-Up or Squirt, but never Coke. But there was something special about drinking Coke, though I wasn’t sure what it was, so whenever I had the chance I would drink it, or Pepsi if they didn’t have Coke.

She found a bottle, pulled it out, popped the cap and gave it to me, then looked at me and said, “Twenty cents, please”, like she figured I was buying the pop for both of us because I was the boy, and that’s what men and boys did for women and girls. I had a quarter in my pocket and gave it to her and she gave me a nickel back.

As we walked back to our table Rose said, “I would’ve paid for mine.”

“Sorry”, I said, “I didn’t mean to…”, but I couldn’t figure out how to finish the sentence. If I bought it for her did that mean I was saying that she was my girlfriend, but how could I say THAT was what I didn’t mean?

“It’s okay, silly”, she said, and I noted she used THAT word, “You’re just being nice.” Yeah, I thought, that’s what it meant, I was just being nice, and I was okay that she thought I was nice. Not sure I wanted to go so far as I had, teasing Abby the other day, when she said I was “bad”. I don’t think that I was ready for Rose to say I was “bad”, even if it was in that way that was actually good.

We sat across from each other at the table. I took a swig of my Coke. It tasted cold, bubbly and sugary, and just made me feel good like it always did. She took just a sip of her Vernor’s. I don’t know that I’d ever had Vernor’s Ginger Ale, though I’d had the Canada Dry stuff, which I knew was different than Vernor’s.

“Mmm it’s so good”, she said, “Do you like Vernor’s?” I made a funny face.

“I don’t know”, I said, “I don’t think I’ve ever had it.”

“Wow, never?” she said, “I’d give you a taste but now it has my cooties all over it.” I hadn’t heard that “cooties” word in a long time, but hearing her say it was kind of neat, like when she called me “silly”. She was maybe talking to me like I was a regular person, one of her girlfriends, instead of some BOY on the other team.

I actually WANTED to taste some, ESPECIALLY with her cooties all over it. But if I said that I did, she might think I was some kind of pervert, like when I told Joey back in the third grade that I’d “pull down my pants for Mary”, and he told Mary and everyone else in our class, and the teacher, Mrs Rodney, said I shouldn’t have said that, even though I had told Joey in private. I could NEVER let something like that happen again, so I said nothing. But I think me saying nothing made her think that she had said something bad, and she looked kind of embarrassed again, and she didn’t say anything either. We just both drank our pops.

“THERE they are”, said Myrna, walking up to us, Rose nearly jumping out of her chair and getting Vernor’s in her nose, covering her mouth and trying to cough softly. Myrna put her hands on her waist with her elbows out and looked at me, shaking her head slowly.

“I thought you’d never ask her”, she said, which embarrassed ME AND Rose, though it also made it seem like she didn’t hate me anymore. Instead of sitting there with us, she thought for a minute and then looked at Rose.

“My mom’s outside in the car”, she said, kind of glancing over at me like I was on the other, boys, team again, “We gotta go.” Rose nodded but looked sad and still embarrassed, like she didn’t know what to say to me now, so she just raised her hand up and kind of waved it back and forth at me. Myrna got up and started to walk away and Rose got up and followed her, looking back at me a couple times.

Wow, I thought, she was more embarrassed than I was.

“Cooper”, a girl’s voice called out. I looked and it was Abby. “It’s 9:30”, she said, “And my mom said she’d be here to pick us up.” We walked out of the cafeteria together and out the doors into the cool windy night.

“So I danced with Henry”, she said, “He actually asked ME, but I would’ve asked HIM if he hadn’t, cause you and I swore.” She looked at me and asked, “So you danced with ROSE?” and she kind of made a silly face and wiggled her shoulders back and forth like Rose and I had made out rather than just danced. “I saw you two slow dancing to ‘Walk Away Renee’ all huggy huggy.”

I was embarrassed again, and didn’t say anything, wondering if ABBY now thought I was some kind of a pervert.

I got less embarrassed because she said, “That’s okay. When you slow dance with someone you have a crush on I think you’re supposed to be huggy huggy like that. Henry didn’t quite get that part.” She wrinkled her nose like she was thinking.

A horn honked and it was her mom, who pulled over and Abby and I got in the back seat.

As she drove off, her mom asked us, “So did you have a good time?” We both nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Did you dance?” her mom asked, we both nodded again.

“With each other?” her mom asked.

“No”, we both said at the same time.