{"id":7959,"date":"2025-07-06T14:52:10","date_gmt":"2025-07-06T21:52:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/?p=7959"},"modified":"2025-07-06T17:47:14","modified_gmt":"2025-07-07T00:47:14","slug":"clubius-contained-part-44-childhoods-end-august-1966","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/2025\/07\/06\/clubius-contained-part-44-childhoods-end-august-1966\/","title":{"rendered":"Clubius Contained Part 44 – Childhood\u2019s End (August 1966)"},"content":{"rendered":"

[Author’s note: This is the final chapter of Clubius<\/em> Contained<\/em>]<\/p>\n

I was up early as usual and in the kitchen eating a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast when there was a knock on the front door of our cottage.<\/p>\n

Molly and her mom had arrived last night and had stopped by for just a little bit to say hello. Mom had said we\u2019d be going to the beach in the morning if they\u2019d like to join us. Molly\u2019s mom said she needed the morning to sleep in and get settled, but Molly said she\u2019d join us. I told Molly that I usually run to the beach in the morning and she said she\u2019d like to do that too. We\u2019d made a plan for 8 o\u2019clock, which it was now.<\/p>\n

I opened the door with a mouthful of Cheerios. There was Molly in a t-shirt, shorts and sneakers. She was now maybe four inches taller than I was. The last time I saw her, over a year ago at my tenth birthday party, I don\u2019t remember her being taller. Her light brown hair was tied in a ponytail.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi Coop\u201d, she said, \u201cWhatcha eating?\u201d I felt a little sad that she didn\u2019t call me \u201cCoob\u201d anymore, I used to really like the way she said my name.<\/p>\n

\u201cCheerios\u201d, I mumbled through a mouth full of them. She nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have Shredded Wheat\u201d, she said, \u201cSpoonsize.\u201d I nodded back. We looked at each other and didn\u2019t say anything.<\/p>\n

\u201cI got taller\u201d, she said, \u201cSince last time I saw you.\u201d I kind of wrinkled my nose and nodded. I\u2019m not sure that I liked that, but it WAS true.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot that it matters\u201d, she said, \u201cGirls get taller sooner than boys.\u201d We were both still standing on either side of the doorway.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I come in?\u201d she asked. I nodded vigorously and stepped aside and put my arm out like grownups did to invite someone in. She stepped in our kitchen and looked around.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour kitchen is bigger than ours\u201d, she said, \u201cDo you and David have a bedroom?\u201d I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re lucky\u201d, she said, \u201cI have to sleep in the living room on the couch, but it opens up into a bed. Mom has the bedroom.\u201d<\/p>\n

David peeked his head out of our bedroom door to check out Molly standing in the kitchen.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Wavey Davey\u201d, she said, smiling and using the nickname she used to call him a long time ago, \u201cYou look so grown up.\u201d She didn\u2019t say that I looked grown up, but I guess that\u2019s what you said to a little kid you hadn\u2019t seen in a long time. David looked like he didn\u2019t know what to say and wrinkled his nose.<\/p>\n

\u201cI AM eight\u201d, he said, then asked, \u201cYou guys going to run to the beach?\u201d Molly looked at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are, aren\u2019t we?\u201d she asked, \u201cHow far is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAbout a mile\u201d, I said, \u201cCan you run the whole way?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u201d, she said grinning, like she was proud of herself, \u201cCan you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI never had run that far before we got here\u201d, I said, \u201cBut now I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCool\u201d, she said, \u201cFinish your Cheerios and we\u2019ll go.\u201d I was kind of surprised she said that. I mean I said \u201ccool\u201d now too sometimes instead of \u201cneat\u201d, but I was surprised that she told me to finish my Cheerios like she was my mom or big sister or something.<\/p>\n

SHE looked grown up too. I mean she WAS a few months older than I was, even though I was going into seventh grade and she was only going into sixth, because I\u2019d skipped kindergarten. She walked around the kitchen and peeked through the open door into the bathroom. Then she went into the living room and looked around, finally peeking in our bedroom door.<\/p>\n

David was probably on his bed drawing because I heard her ask him, \u201cStill drawing comics?\u201d There was a pause when I guess he showed her something he was drawing and I heard her say, \u201cWow kid, you\u2019re really getting good!\u201d<\/p>\n

I guess I felt a little jealous. I gulped down the rest of my cereal and called out to her, still disappeared in our bedroom, \u201cLet\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust a minute\u201d, she called back to me, \u201cI want to see all the stuff he\u2019s done.\u201d I couldn\u2019t hear all the words but I could tell by the way her voice sounded that she was telling him how much she liked each and every picture he must be showing her.<\/p>\n

Finally she came out of the bedroom and back into the kitchen with me.<\/p>\n

\u201cWow\u201d, she said to me, \u201cHe\u2019s gotten SO much better!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know\u201d, I said, \u201cHe draws all the time. You ready to go?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYep\u201d, she said, and she ran in place on the kitchen floor. Her legs seemed really long.<\/p>\n

We walked out the kitchen door to the outside and I closed it behind us.<\/p>\n

\u201cAren\u2019t you going to tell your mom that you\u2019re going?\u201d she asked, looking kind of worried. I shook my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cNah\u201d, I said, like I was some big kid, \u201cI just go. She knows I run to the beach, and she and David will come a little bit later in the car.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay\u201d, she said, sounding a little like she maybe wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you tell your mom every time you go out of the house?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell I didn\u2019t use to\u201d, she said, \u201cBut now she wants me too, I think because I\u2019m a girl.\u201d She pulled the little blue bow thing that held her ponytail together off her hair which tumbled out down to her shoulders. Her hair was longer than it used to be. Then with both hands she gathered it all back up behind her head again really tight and pulled the bow thing back over it.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go\u201d, she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you have to tell YOUR mom that we\u2019re going?\u201d I asked. She gave me a look like she was kind of mad at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u201d, she said, shaking her head really fast, \u201cI told her before I came over to your place.\u201d<\/p>\n

Our feet crunched on the gravel of the driveway as we walked. When we got to the part that went out to the road I started to run and so she did too. I noticed right away that she took long strides with her long legs and it looked like running was easier for her than it was for me. I had to run extra hard to keep up with her.<\/p>\n

We both ran without talking, side by side, down the road toward the beach. I was breathing hard and she was next to me breathing hard too. Our shoulders even bumped together a couple times as we ran on the loose gravel of the road. After a few minutes it started to feel like it was the old days and we were the same again. And I even felt like I could tell that she was feeling that same way about feeling the same.<\/p>\n

I imagined we were kind of like my Crime Society Brute Brothers, two bodies with one brain, and maybe like David had suggested that we each had half a brain when we were apart, and not thinking very well, but were back to our whole brain now.<\/p>\n

I wished we were still best friends, and that we still lived across the street from each other. Maybe all my school friends and even the girls would tease us that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe we wouldn\u2019t care. Maybe we\u2019d even BE boyfriend and girlfriend and walk in the park sometimes holding hands. As we continued to run the words from the Association song played on the jukebox in my mind\u2026<\/p>\n

Cherish is a word I use to describe
\nAll the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
\nYou don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
\nYou don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I saw her eyes look over at me and look a little worried, like she might be figuring out what I was thinking about her, or maybe she was thinking the same thing about me.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t sure I even wanted her to be my girlfriend, I just wanted her to be my best friend. Girlfriends and boyfriends were complicated. From listening to all the Motown, the Beatles, and other songs, that\u2019s what all those older kids were usually singing about.<\/p>\n

Still running, we went around that last turn and up ahead we could see the parking lot of the beach.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re almost there\u201d, I managed to say between big breaths.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh good\u201d, she said, \u201cMy legs are getting tired.\u201d I liked that she said that, so it didn\u2019t feel like we were trying to do better at running than the other one like we were on different teams. But I needed to say something back to tell her I felt that way too, that I wasn\u2019t better than her at running.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I\u2019m tired too\u201d, I said between breaths, \u201cThis last part is always really hard, though I keep going cuz I\u2019m almost done.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said between her breaths, \u201cAlmost done.\u201d<\/p>\n

We finally got to the little parking lot up on the dunes and I stopped running, still breathing hard. I walked to the edge of the dune looking down and sat on the part with the grass at the top with my feet hanging down the beginning of the sandy slope down to the beach. Molly sat next to me. Our shoulders weren\u2019t quite touching but were close enough that I could feel the energy of her body. We both looked at each other, still breathing hard, and smiled.<\/p>\n

\u201cWow\u201d, she said, \u201cYou do that every morning? It\u2019s been a couple weeks since I ran that far.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWow\u201d, I said back to her, \u201cYou were able to run that whole mile and you haven\u2019t run that far in a couple weeks? I don\u2019t think I could do that!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah well\u201d, she said, looking in my eyes, hers twinkling now, \u201cI wasn\u2019t going to let you think you were better at running than I was.\u201d We both laughed, and it felt like, at least for now, we were back to being best friends again, or at least good friends.<\/p>\n

We sat quietly for a while, enjoying that we were together, and just looked down at the beach, the ocean beyond it, and the sky full of white puffy clouds above. It felt good, like we didn\u2019t need to talk, but finally it felt like one of us should say something, and she finally did.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you\u2019re going to junior high, to Tappan\u201d, she said, \u201cNo more elementary school.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said, like I wasn\u2019t happy about it, \u201cI never like going back to school. I never like having grownups in charge of me all the time and telling me what I have to do. And now at Tappan I\u2019m going to have EIGHT different teachers in charge of me.\u201d She nodded and looked out at the ocean.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sucks\u201d, she said. I remembered her using swear words back at my tenth birthday party, but I still wasn\u2019t used to it. Girls didn\u2019t usually swear as much as boys did, at least not when they knew boys could hear them. But because I used swear words sometimes now too, it felt good, like we were more the same.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to a different school too\u201d, she said, \u201cEven though it\u2019s only SIXTH grade. I\u2019m going to the U of M lab school. My mom wants me to go there, says it\u2019s better than regular school, and my step dad was able to get me in. Mom said she didn\u2019t want me to go to Slauson.\u201d<\/p>\n

She thought about that for a minute and said, \u201cI don\u2019t know. All my school friends are going to Slauson. That kind of sucks too. So at least you\u2019re going to Tappan with YOUR school friends.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said again, like I still wasn\u2019t happy about it, \u201cBut there\u2019s going to be a thousand kids there and most of the kids in my classes I probably won\u2019t know and cuz I skipped kindergarten I might be the youngest kid in the whole school!\u201d It felt good to say all that stuff that was worrying me, even though Molly couldn\u2019t do anything about it.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, she said, \u201cBut you had all those school friends at Bach that came to your birthday parties. And those guys from Burns Park too, like Mike. So you\u2019ll make other friends at Tappan!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hope so\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hope so too\u201d, she said, and we both got quiet again and looked out at the ocean.<\/p>\n

After sitting there a while longer, a car horn honked three times. We turned to look behind us and it was mom and David in our car. Molly and I walked over to where they had parked and we all headed down to the beach to swim.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

It was the next day and Molly came over at 8 o\u2019clock again to run to the beach with me. Yesterday we\u2019d stayed at the beach swimming until lunchtime and then all went out to lunch with Molly\u2019s mom. All us kids had pizza together last night, and mom and Molly\u2019s mom had fried clams and cocktail sauce. When Molly and I got to the beach parking lot up on the dunes we sat in the same spot and looked down at the beach and the blue ocean beyond.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo do you and David still play with soldiers and dinosaurs and Godzilla down in the basement, or out in the yard?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes\u201d, I said, \u201cBut not very much. And just in the basement, not out in the yard.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about your school friends\u201d, she asked, \u201cLike the ones that were at your tenth birthday party. Do they like to play that soldier and dinosaur pretending stuff, or your wargames?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot really\u201d, I said, \u201cI only do soldiers and dinosaurs with David. I do other stuff with my school friends in the park. They don\u2019t even know I play that kind of stuff. They don\u2019t even know that I play wargames. Except for my friend Mike. I don\u2019t even let my other school friends come to my house!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want them to know mom and dad are divorced\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not?\u201d she asked again.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause they\u2019ll think I\u2019m strange\u201d, I said, \u201cAnd won\u2019t want to be my friends anymore.\u201d Molly nodded and thought about that for a minute.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess when MY mom and dad got divorced\u201d, she said, \u201cI was still a little kid. You and Paul and all my other neighborhood friends knew that they were divorced, but it didn\u2019t seem to make a difference to all of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember\u201d, I asked, \u201cWhen we went on that bicycle ride to try and find your dad\u2019s new house and we rode through Wurster Park?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, nodding as she kept looking out at the ocean, \u201cYou fell off your bike.\u201d I\u2019d forgotten about that but now I remembered.<\/p>\n

\u201cI remember we went to the Washtenaw Dairy\u201d, I said, \u201cAnd one of us had money to buy ice cream cones.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did\u201d, she said, \u201cMy dad gave it to me, remember?\u201d I didn\u2019t really, but I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd remember\u201d, I asked, \u201cThen we went to the Kiddie Korner, and that guy that worked there thought we were lost?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, said Molly, laughing through her nose, \u201cI remember. We knew how to get home, though we never found my dad\u2019s house. Turns out it was on Mosley Street which was just a block away up Main, but I didn\u2019t know that til later.\u201d<\/p>\n

So we just sat there for a couple minutes, not saying anything, thinking about all the things we used to do together when we were little.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo is Mike your best friend now?\u201d Molly asked, \u201cI remember him at your birthday party and when I went to Burns Park before that. He\u2019s really nice. When I was still going to Burns Park he knew I wasn\u2019t a boy when I played in those soccer games before school, but he never told on me. Other boys figured it out and then I had to stop.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said, \u201cI guess Mike is kind of my best friend. He IS really nice. And he figured out that mom and dad were divorced, but he didn\u2019t think we were a bad family or anything, or worry about me. And he didn\u2019t tell any of my other friends who still don\u2019t know.\u201d Molly nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cPatty\u2019s still MY best friend, and she\u2019s a girl of course\u201d, Molly said, \u201cI think it\u2019s probably better that way. When you and I were best friends it was really great, but it was strange for other kids, because they alway thought we were girlfriend and boyfriend.\u201d<\/p>\n

We were quiet for a minute, looking out at the ocean.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo do you just play the wargames by yourself?\u201d she asked, \u201cThat can\u2019t be much fun.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, I said, \u201cI have different friends I play wargames with, but playing them by myself is fun too. I do that a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI like to play Monopoly or Parcheesi with my friends\u201d, she said, \u201cBut it wouldn\u2019t be any fun by myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWargames are different\u201d, I said, \u201cEach turn is all strategy stuff. Where to put or move each side\u2019s armies to make their best move. Then when you’re done with setting up or moving one side, then you figure out the best setup or move for the other side. And you go back and forth until one side wins I guess, or you get bored.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh I see\u201d, she said, \u201cThat\u2019s cool\u201d, the second time I\u2019d heard her say \u201ccool\u201d instead of \u201cneat\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about you?\u201d I asked, \u201cWhat about your friends?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll my friends are girls now\u201d, she said, making a thinking face, \u201cNone of them have soldiers OR dinosaurs, or want to play with them. We ride our bikes. Do crafts at West Park. Patty has a good tree for climbing in her backyard and we are up there a lot doing pretending stuff. Like Nancy Drew detective stuff or pretending we\u2019re in a spaceship.\u201d Then her eyes twinkled.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you remember when we used to play spaceships and submarines on the monkeybars in Allmendinger Park?\u201d she asked, and I nodded, \u201cThat was really fun, wasn\u2019t it? Remember when I was Captain Nemo at your birthday party and I wanted to sink all the war ships?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said, \u201cYou were really mad that day.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, thinking, \u201cThat\u2019s when my mom and dad were getting divorced.\u201d I got quiet, thinking about my own mom and dad. I could tell that she could tell that I was thinking about that and SHE got quiet and even looked worried.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t usually like talking with anyone about mom and dad getting divorced, but it just felt like I wanted to talk about it with SOMEBODY, because I thought about it A LOT. Molly was probably the only person in the WHOLE WORLD I could talk to about it!<\/p>\n

\u201cMy mom and dad getting divorced sucks\u201d, I said, \u201cI HATE it!\u201d I\u2019d thought that a lot, but never said it to anyone else. She nodded but still looked worried.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s really bad\u201d, she said, \u201cBut do you think your mom will marry someone else like my mom did?\u201d I\u2019d never thought of that until she said that.<\/p>\n

My mind filled with imagining I had a new dad, a \u201cstepdad\u201d, like Molly did. That just felt SO weird. And when I thought about my REAL dad, I just felt so sad for him if that happened. And what if my stepdad wanted to be in charge of me all the time.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t think anything could be worse than my mom and dad getting divorced\u201d, I said, \u201cBut that would be WAY WORSE.\u201d Then Molly suddenly looked worried, like I\u2019d said something really bad.<\/p>\n

\u201cI LIKE my stepdad\u201d, she said, looking a little mad, \u201cHe says funny stuff and he makes all these cool models and lets me help.\u201d I could tell I\u2019d said something that Molly didn\u2019t like, but I didn\u2019t know what to say next to make it better. We were both quiet for a minute and looked out at the ocean. My mind was trying to figure out what to say. I remembered what mom used to say to dad after she said something bad to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry I said that\u201d, I said, still looking out at the ocean. I could see her head nodding slowly.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay\u201d, she said quietly, also still looking out at the ocean, \u201cI guess I felt that way too when mom told me she had a new \u2018boyfriend\u2019. But they\u2019ve been married a long time now and he\u2019s okay and mom\u2019s happy. He told me he\u2019s just my \u2018pretend dad\u2019 and not my real dad. That made me laugh. He\u2019s funny.\u201d<\/p>\n

I thought about that for a minute and it seemed to make sense, at least for Molly. But there was still no way I wanted to have a stepdad, even one like Molly\u2019s, but I decided I better not tell her that, even though we used to be the kind of friends who told each other EVERYTHING we were thinking. The whole world seemed really different and more complicated than it did back then.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy mom is still sad a lot\u201d, I said, picking up some sand from the ground and throwing down the slope of the dune, \u201cSpecially when she pays the bills or is up late at night.\u201d Molly nodded, and then she scooped up some sand and threw it too.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u201d, I said, \u201cI think coming here is helping her feel a little better.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess that\u2019s good\u201d, Molly said. I nodded. We were quiet again, but I could tell she was thinking about asking me something.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you ever want us to be girlfriend and boyfriend?\u201d she asked. I HAD thought about that a lot.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhenever the older girls in the park asked you if I was your boyfriend\u201d, I said, \u201cYou\u2019d say no, that I was your BEST friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded and laughed through her nose, then said, \u201cI remember. You WERE\u201d, and she looked at me and smiled. But I hadn\u2019t answered her question and I kind of wanted to, because I\u2019d thought about it so much.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt would have been really different if we were boyfriend and girlfriend\u201d, I said. I thought about all those Beatles songs with all their girlfriend problems and all those Motown songs with boyfriend problems.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t want you to be with any other girls and you\u2019d want to makeout with me all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

I thought about what that\u2019d be like \u201cmaking out\u201d with Molly. Arthur\u2019s older sister said that making out was getting to \u201cfirst base\u201d and \u201csecond base\u201d, but she wouldn\u2019t say what those meant. But then Frankie said that his older brother said that \u201cfirst base\u201d was \u201cfrench kissing\u201d which meant kissing on the mouth and using your tongue too. \u201cSecond base\u201d was touching a girl\u2019s breasts. I could imagine kissing Molly on the lips and then our tongues touching and licking each other, if that\u2019s how that worked. Molly didn\u2019t really even have any breasts to touch.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat would be very weird\u201d, I said, shaking my head. She nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI heard that making out is getting to first base AND second base\u201d, Molly said, \u201cI know what first base is, you know, tongue kissing. And second base is feeling someone up, up here\u201d, she said, pointing at her chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd third base is feeling someone up down there\u201d, she said, pointing down toward her legs as she squeezed them together, \u201cBut that\u2019s worse than making out.\u201d I hadn\u2019t heard about \u201cthird base\u201d, but it made sense, though I couldn\u2019t even imagine Molly and me doing THAT.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you remember\u201d, she asked, \u201cWhen you kissed me on the cheek when we were hiding under the blanket in the back of our car when we went to Saugatuck and I kissed you back on the cheek?\u201d I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then later\u201d, I said, \u201cWhen we were there we tried kissing each other on the mouth? And we decided it was weird, but GOOD weird? That was kind of half making out.\u201d I could see her thinking about that.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell maybe one third making out\u201d, she said, \u201cBecause we didn\u2019t do our tongues.\u201d I nodded. That made sense.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd we couldn\u2019t do more than half even now because I don\u2019t have any breasts yet\u201d, she said, looking down at her chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd remember\u201d, I asked, \u201cWhen we were up in your room at your Prescott house and we both took off our clothes and showed each other what we looked like naked?\u201d She nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI still can\u2019t believe we did that\u201d, she said, \u201cI had never seen anyone else naked before.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNeither had I\u201d, I said, \u201cExcept for my baby brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you like that?\u201d she asked, \u201cSeeing me naked?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess so\u201d, I said, \u201cI just wanted to know since you were a girl if you looked different, you know, down there.\u201d She nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too\u201d, she said, \u201cBut it was\u2026 fun. But I guess it was also bad.\u201d I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you never told anybody about it, right?\u201d she asked, \u201cI never did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, I said, \u201cJust two older boys in the park a long time ago. Remember? I told you. I just said it was a girl and they didn\u2019t even know me so they didn\u2019t know that you were my best friend so that you were probably the girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I remember now\u201d, she said, nodding, \u201cDid they think you were bad?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKind of, maybe\u201d, I said, \u201cBut I also think they were jealous that I was younger than they were but I\u2019d done something that they hadn\u2019t, so that was kind of neat, for me at least.\u201d She nodded like that made sense, and even grinned a little.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, nodding, \u201cWe did some neat stuff together.\u201d We were quiet for a minute, both thinking and looking out at the ocean.<\/p>\n

Finally she said, \u201cI think if I was old enough to have a boyfriend, I\u2019d want you to be my first one.\u201d She glanced at me and smiled but then looked back out at the ocean.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too\u201d, I said, \u201cThat would be neat.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut oh well\u201d, she said, \u201cC’est la vie.\u201d Then looking at me said, \u201cThat\u2019s French. It means \u2018that\u2019s life\u2019. I learned that from my stepdad. He\u2019s French.\u201d I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cC\u2019est la vie\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n

A couple of grownups walked by heading from their car down to the beach so we both got quiet.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe probably shouldn\u2019t be talking about this with other people around\u201d, she said, looking around, \u201cWe might get in trouble.\u201d She probably was right, though it was all fun to talk about. There was nobody else in the whole world I could talk to about this kind of stuff. Maybe Mike, but I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

Mom, David and Molly\u2019s mom finally came in the car. It was Molly\u2019s mom\u2019s first time at the beach so we gave her a \u201ctour\u201d and all walked up along the beach toward the Highland Light lighthouse. Mom told her the whole story about it being the very first lighthouse on Cape Cod, and that George Washington ordered it to be built, along with another one on Cape Ann, north of Boston. Mom really liked to tell people stuff about Cape Cod and Boston, I guess cuz she said she grew up here so she was proud of it. That made sense. I think I\u2019d be proud of Ann Arbor too.<\/p>\n

It was a cloudy day and the water felt colder than yesterday so we didn\u2019t do as much swimming, but enough that I could show Molly how to bodysurf. She was a good swimmer, probably better than me, so she figured it out pretty quickly. We spent most of the morning making cities and forts out of the wet sand on the beach with roads connecting them. When it was time to go home for lunch, Molly ran home with me while the others went in the car.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

It was the third day that Molly and I had run together to the beach. It was a lot windier today so the trees whooshed above us as we ran. Now that she was getting used to running every day, it seemed a lot easier for her than for me. She took longer strides than me, and I even counted that I had to take twelve strides when she just had to take ten. But even though running was harder for me than for her, there was no way I wanted her to know that, so I just tried my best to pretend running was just as easy for me as her. I liked telling her lots of stuff I was really feeling, but I didn\u2019t want to tell her THAT, that she was better at something than I was.<\/p>\n

We\u2019d all gone to Provincetown yesterday afternoon, which mom liked to call \u201cP-town\u201d, because she LOVED nicknames, not just for people but for some places too. I took Molly to my favorite store there, which was the army surplus store. We had fun trying on all the different hats and helmets and gas masks. They even had old hand grenades that wouldn\u2019t blow up anymore, and I used the money mom had given me to buy something to buy one of those. I knew all my friends and all the kids on our street would think it was super cool and think that I was super cool too for having it.<\/p>\n

When I told mom what I got, I don\u2019t think she liked it, but she just told me to keep it in the paper bag from the store and put it in the car and not carry it around. Mom just had three rules that I was supposed to follow. No tackle football. Come home when the street lights come on. And no guns, not even toy guns. Though if I made a gun out of Tinker Toys, which was usually a raygun, that was okay, and I guess a hand grenade was okay because it wasn’t a GUN, but it was a WEAPON.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t like having to follow ANY rules, because I didn\u2019t want other people, specially grownups, to be in charge of me. But after getting smashed into by Mike and the wind knocked out of me, I was mostly okay with the no tackle football. And coming home when the streetlights came on made sense, and was okay because it meant that if I did that, I could do whatever else I wanted to, by myself even.<\/p>\n

The toy gun one used to be a problem at Allmendinger park when a bunch of boys decided to play soldiers together and wanted us all to go home and get our toy guns. If I brought a Tinker Toy gun, they might think that was lame or even think I was a sissy. But when we played soldiers together like that, usually Paul was playing too, and HIS mom let him have toy guns, and he always had an extra one he would bring for me.<\/p>\n

But now on this windy day with the sky all blue with no clouds, Molly and I had our time alone together at the beach before mom, Molly\u2019s mom and David came in the car. We sat in our same spot, me on the left side like usual and her on the right. Molly’s hair blew in the wind under her Tigers baseball cap. My hair wasn\u2019t long enough to blow, but my face and arms felt cool from the wind.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember when you came over to my Burns Park house before you moved there and we went to see the Rock?\u201d Molly asked. I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe walked by my new house\u201d, I said, \u201cBefore I knew it was going to be my new house, but something felt strange about it, like it was important.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, \u201cAnd that was pretty strange too, but remember when we were at the Rock and that old guy got mad at us?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said, \u201cBecause he said we liked communists. We didn\u2019t even know what communists were.\u201d I remembered how scared we both were, but I didn\u2019t say anything about being scared because I was a big kid now.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember how scared we were?\u201d she asked. So I nodded even though I wouldn\u2019t have said anything about it.<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cI asked my mom what a communist was and she said it was someone who believed in socialism like she did but not democracy, that believed in sharing but not voting.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour mom and my mom used to argue about that\u201d, I said, \u201cMy mom said socialism wasn\u2019t realistic in our country.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI remember\u201d, Molly said, \u201cThey always argued about that kind of politics stuff. My mom liked Humphrey and Johnson, and your mom liked Kennedy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy mom LOVED Kennedy\u201d, I said, \u201cShe cried when he got shot and died. I remember when we heard about it on the car radio and dad was really worried about it and about her, so we drove right home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy mom was sad too\u201d, Molly said, \u201cThough she said Johnson is doing a better job with Civil Rights.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy dad took me to see Kennedy in the middle of the night\u201d, I said, \u201cWhen he was running for president, he spoke at the Michigan Union. That was really neat. We went and saw Nixon too, at the train station during the daytime, but my mom and dad didn\u2019t like him as much.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, \u201cMy mom called him \u2018Tricky Dick\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then that Goldwater guy\u201d, I said, \u201cIn your guts you know he\u2019s nuts.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, \u201cMy mom thought he was really bad, and would start World War Three. She doesn\u2019t think there should be any wars, except maybe World War Two, because that was against Hitler and he was really bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy mom doesn\u2019t like the Vietnam War\u201d, I said, \u201cAnd she was worried that my dad might have to go and fight in it because he\u2019s still in the Army Reserves.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are \u2018reserves\u2019?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think that\u2019s when you\u2019re kind of still in the army\u201d, I said, \u201cBut only for part of the time, but you might have to fight if there\u2019s a war.\u201d<\/p>\n

Molly looked out at the ocean, her eyes squinting from the wind. \u201cWould you want to fight in a war?\u201d she asked, \u201cIf it was a good war like World War Two? You always liked playing with toy soldiers, and pretending to be soldiers with other kids in the park, and you like all those war games.\u201d I didn\u2019t expect her to ask me that, but I guess that was one of those that mom would say was a \u201cgood question\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d, I said, \u201cI think wars are interesting, and in the games I like all the strategy and moving armies around on the mapboard, and how you use the rules and the charts to pretend like it\u2019s real. And it was fun playing soldiers with other kids in the park because it was like being on the same team together and like what my dad did in the war. But I don\u2019t think I\u2019d want to fight in a real war like that new Vietnam one.\u201d But then I was thinking that she also liked playing with toy soldiers.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou liked playing with toy soldiers too\u201d, I said, \u201cAnd you liked pretending that your bedroom in your old Prescott house was a fort and we were shooting cannons at cars. So do YOU want to fight in real wars?\u201d It was kind of strange talking to her that way, like I was arguing with her like mom liked to argue with her mom or her friends at parties.<\/p>\n

\u201cC\u2019mon silly\u201d, she said, turning to look right at me, her hair blowing across her face, \u201cI\u2019m a girl. Girls don\u2019t fight in real wars!\u201d Even though she was right, it still made me kind of worried like were we on DIFFERENT teams now, me on the boys team and her on the girls one. But then I think she noticed me looking worried.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t mean you’re REALLY silly\u201d, she said, \u201cMy new friends and me always say stuff like that to each other.\u201d I nodded, since I guess that made sense.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just don\u2019t want there to be a girls team against the boys team\u201d, I said. Even though I\u2019d thought about it a lot, I couldn\u2019t remember ever saying it before to anyone else. She wrinkled her nose and looked worried as she thought about that, and I remembered when she was little and used to put the tip of her thumb in her mouth when she was thinking and worrying about something.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, she said, \u201cAs boys and girls get older they start liking each other more and become boyfriends and girlfriends. That seems like they\u2019re on the same team.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d, I said, \u201cI listen to all those Beatles songs about having trouble with their girlfriends and they don\u2019t sound like they\u2019re on the same team.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut when kids get grown up enough they get married\u201d, she said, \u201cTHAT seems like being on the same team.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d, I said again, watching bigger waves than there had been before rolling up and crashing down, \u201cMy mom and dad got divorced. THAT didn\u2019t seem like being on the same team. Your mom and regular dad did too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s true\u201d, she said, thinking and worrying again, \u201cBut my stepdad and my mom are more like friends, so THEY seem like they\u2019re on the same team.\u201d I nodded, thinking about that. And then I thought of those words that grownups often said when they had trouble figuring stuff out.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s complicated\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n

Molly looked at me and laughed through her nose. \u201cYou sound like my mom\u201d, she said. I laughed through my nose too back at her and we both stopped talking and looked out at the ocean for a while.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, she said, still looking out ahead, \u201cYou always said that when all of us grow up, we were going to do things differently. We\u2019ll all be on the same team, right?\u201d. She looked at me like she expected me to think so too.<\/p>\n

I was worried now, after mom and dad\u2019s divorce, all those songs about girlfriend and boyfriend problems, and school always seeming to be girls against boys, that maybe we wouldn\u2019t be on the same team. But I nodded, because I still hoped.<\/p>\n

A car horn honked three times behind us and we turned around to see our car in the parking lot. Mom was driving and waving out the side window at us. Molly\u2019s mom, sitting on the other side of the front seat, stuck her hand out her side window and waved too. They parked and the two of them and David came over to where we were sitting.<\/p>\n

Mom looked at us then looked at Molly’s mom and said, \u201cThey\u2019re sitting in the exact same place as yesterday Joan, like two seagulls guarding their perch, or two old souls.\u201d The wind blew her big hat and she had to grab the top of it so it didn\u2019t fly off her head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think you\u2019re right Jane\u201d, Molly\u2019s mom said, holding her own big hat, \u201cI think you\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mom looked out at the ocean. \u201cNow THAT\u2019S a good stiff breeze, and looks like the surf\u2019s up\u201d, she said, \u201cShould be some good body surfing boys and girls!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShould we be concerned about riptides?\u201d Molly\u2019s mom asked, looking worried.<\/p>\n

\u201cI asked Gracie our landlady about that the other day\u201d, mom said, \u201cAnd she thought they weren\u2019t that bad at this beach. But let me wade in and I\u2019ll tell you for sure.\u201d We all headed down the dune to the beach, Molly and I carrying the cooler together.<\/p>\n

It WAS really good for body surfing, and Molly, David and I did it for a couple hours. We knew to leave our t-shirts on so we didn\u2019t get too sunburned.
\n***4
\nIt was the fourth day that Molly and I ran together to the beach. There was no wind today but it was hotter and your skin got all sweaty really quick, what mom would say was \u201cstickier\u201d. As we ran our t-shirts got wet with sweat and I had to try to wipe it off from getting in my eyes. I still felt like I had to run harder than she did, with her long legs and long strides. I was glad when we finally made it to the beach parking lot. We sat in our same spots on the top of the dune with our view way off to the edge of the ocean and sky.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo are you glad you\u2019re done with elementary school?\u201d Molly asked, using the sleeve of her t-shirt to wipe the sweat out of her eyes. I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst grade at Bach was okay\u201d, I said, \u201cI got to learn how to read, and I had some new school friends that I didn\u2019t know already and we got to hang out at recess, which was fun. And my first grade teacher was pretty neat because she seemed more like an older kid than a regular grownup and at least sometimes she let us decide what we could work on in class, like dinosaurs. But after that, it was all regular grownup teachers who were in charge of you all the time and made you do all this stuff that wasn\u2019t much fun, specially homework. I mean I liked reading books, ones I got at the library or even those text books, because they told you about stuff maybe you didn\u2019t already know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cActually\u201d, I said, \u201cThe thing I liked best about my last two years here at Burns Park were those soccer games before school in the morning and after lunch. There were never any grownups in charge of us and we figured out our own rules. I wish all of school had been like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, \u201cThose were neat for you, though they didn\u2019t let us girls play unless we pretended to be boys and no one found out and told on us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah well\u201d, I said, \u201cThat was the one bad part I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI liked learning how to read at school too\u201d, Molly said, \u201cAnd reading all those books. And recess. I liked my first grade teacher Mrs Morgan and my third grade teacher Miss Valentino at Burns Park. They were both really nice. Then we moved and I went to Mack for fourth grade, but I didn\u2019t know anyone and the other girls all knew each other. But one of those girls was Patty and she became my new best friend. She and I did everything together, kind of like YOU and I used to do when we were little. We both like reading, riding our bikes, and sports, though most sports we had to play with boys because they don\u2019t have girls teams. But we both went to the YMCA and did basketball and volleyball with other girls. And Patty really likes running, so I\u2019d run with her pretty much every morning before school. Even a mile like you run here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo in your schools\u201d, I asked, \u201cDid it seem like the girls and boys were on different teams against each other all the time?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean in sports?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot sports\u201d, I said, \u201cJust everything at school. Like the girls only talked with other girls and were always trying to do better than the boys on tests, and would only play with other girls at recess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yeah\u201d, she said, \u201cI never thought of it like teams but I think you\u2019re right. The boys were always trying to embarrass us or get us in trouble.\u201d She thought about that for a moment and then said, \u201cBut wasn\u2019t the park like that too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell yeah, kind of\u201d, I said, \u201cBut sometimes girls at Allmendinger Park would let me play what they were playing as long as it was just me and not a bunch of boys. And if girls wanted to join us playing imagination stuff on the monkey bars or in the lilac bushes, boys, at least me and my friends, would let them.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, \u201cBut you were different. You weren\u2019t like a regular boy.\u201d I looked at her like that was interesting but I was also a little worried about what she was saying.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not like you were a sissy or anything\u201d, she said, shaking her head, \u201cBut you never really cared if someone was a boy or a girl. I think that\u2019s why we could be best friends.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd when we got naked together up in my room when we were little\u201d, she said, looking out at the ocean but not at me, \u201cI\u2019ve taken showers in the girls\u2019 locker room at the Y with Patty, and other girls on our teams, but there is no way in hell I would do anything like that with a regular boy. But I thought doing it with you was neat, though I know it was bad too!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt WAS neat\u201d, I said, also just looking out at the ocean, \u201cEven though it was bad too.\u201d With what we were talking about it seemed better to talk without looking at each other, less embarrassing.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you ever do that with any other girls?\u201d she asked. She just looked at me enough to see my head shaking.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t say anything, but I was thinking about back in third grade when I told my school friend Joey that I\u2019d \u201cpull down my pants\u201d for that girl Mary in our class, and then he told on me in class when we were all standing by the door waiting to go out to recess, and Mrs Rodney called me up to her desk later to tell ME that I shouldn\u2019t have said that. It was JOEY that said that, at least to everyone else. It wasn\u2019t my fault that he blabbed to everyone what I had told him in private. And after that, I felt like I wasn\u2019t a regular kid, but some kind of pervert.<\/p>\n

If there was anybody in the whole world I could tell about it, it would be Molly and it would be right now. But she had already said I wasn\u2019t like a \u201cregular boy\u201d, so I was afraid that telling her this might make HER think I was some sort of pervert too. That would be the WORST thing in the whole WORLD, if Molly thought that about me. So that was the one secret I could NEVER TELL ANYONE ELSE. Not even Mike OR Molly. No one else would ever know that maybe perverted part of me. I wasn\u2019t happy with that, but at least I was safe. And I wondered if that was why I didn\u2019t even want my old Bach School friends to come to my birthday party, since they knew this bad secret.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you ever get naked with other boys?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cUhhh\u201d, I said, because I had, but wasn\u2019t sure I wanted to tell her that either. But she looked at me, and we had spent enough time together these last few days so that she was able to tell what I was thinking again, even though I couldn\u2019t always tell what SHE was thinking.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you have\u201d, she said, grinning a little bit, \u201cYou were one of those boys that would get naked in the lilac bushes in Allmendinger Park. I wondered about that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did you know about that?\u201d I asked, \u201cYou didn\u2019t even live there anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know\u201d, she said, \u201cBut Marybeth told me about it when she came to one of my birthday parties. You know she lives right across the street from those bushes?\u201d I couldn\u2019t believe that Marybeth saw us doing that in the lilac bushes. Now I would be too embarrassed to ever talk to her again!<\/p>\n

\u201cDid she say she saw me?\u201d I asked. Molly shook her head as she looked out at the ocean.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe just said that boys got naked in the lilac bushes by her house sometimes\u201d, she said, \u201cSo I figured you probably did.\u201d I worried again that Molly might think I was some sort of a pervert.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, I said, \u201cI only did that one time.\u201d And I decided I better not tell her about that other time that I invited those other two boys over to my house and we took our clothes off in our basement walk-in closet and then we laid on top of each other. I really wanted us to talk about something different, talk about girls versus boys.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo I want boys and girls to be on the same team against the grownups\u201d, I said, \u201cNot against each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I know\u201d, she said, like I didn\u2019t need to tell her that, \u201cYou ALWAYS thought that! But most boys aren\u2019t like you. Maybe Paul or Ricky or your friend Mike, but not most of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

I looked at her. It was worrying me thinking that I might not be like most boys. I didn\u2019t want other boys to think I was some kind of freak or pervert or sissy. Specially cuz I was gonna go to junior high and there would be all those kids I didn\u2019t know and I would be the youngest. She could tell I was worried.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou’re not BAD different\u201d, she said, shaking her head, \u201cYou’re GOOD different.\u201d I guess it was better being good different than bad different, but it was still DIFFERENT, and I was worried that would be a problem!<\/p>\n

A car horn honked three short times behind us, and I recognized it this time as our car. I stood up and turned to look and then Molly did too. I was happy to stop talking and hopefully also stop thinking about this stuff we\u2019d been talking about. We walked towards the car. Mom looked out the driver\u2019s window with sunglasses on and her big hat.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was already starting to get hot and sticky in the cottage\u201d, she said, \u201cI opened all the windows, but we may want to hang out at the beach all day. Joan and I brought sandwiches for lunch in the cooler along with the usual drinks. Can I trouble you two strapping young people to get it out of the back and haul it down to the beach?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure Jane\u201d, Molly said, sounding like an older kid or even a grownup. If I had said \u201csure mom\u201d, it wouldn\u2019t have sounded the same.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

It was more of a regular day today with the usual ocean breeze and not so \u201csticky\u201d when Molly and I ran to the beach. It was the last day before we headed home, and after lunch today, mom had made a plan to take us all to dig for clams at this other beach on the bay side just before low tide, which the lady that owned the cottages said was the best time to find them. I felt sad that Molly and I would go back to our regular lives and probably only see each other once in a while, when one of our moms had a party or we had a birthday.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll miss running to the beach with you every morning\u201d, I managed to say, though I looked out at the ocean and not at her. But even that felt strange. I couldn\u2019t EVER remember saying ANYTHING to Molly that I liked her or liked being with her. Back when we were younger and best friends, we just KNEW it I guess, without having to say it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll miss you too, Coop\u201d, she said, nodding and also looking out at the ocean, \u201cBut if you promise to invite me to your birthday party, I promise to invite you to mine, even if you\u2019re the only boy there.\u201d<\/p>\n

She thought about that for a minute and then said, \u201cBut maybe I\u2019ll invite Ricky and Paul too. My girl friends will think it\u2019s strange, but too bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, I promise\u201d, I said, feeling sad and happy at the same time.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere was that neat girl at your birthday party\u201d, she said, \u201cBut that was a long time ago so I don\u2019t even remember her name. We played your hockey game against Mike and that other guy down in the basement while you were upstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was Abby\u201d, I said, \u201cShe lives across the street.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs she going to Tappan too?\u201d Molly asked. I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe could be your new girl across the street\u201d, she said, still looking out at the ocean and the puffy white clouds that looked like they were sailing in the air above it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d, I said, \u201cMight be dangerous.\u201d Molly wrinkled her nose thinking and nodded her head slowly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026\u201d, she said. She picked up a small stone and threw it down the slope of the dune. We were both quiet for a minute, not knowing what to say next.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what music groups do you like?\u201d Molly finally asked, \u201cI know you and David like the Beatles, because you have all their records.\u201d I was glad we were talking about something else.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, not ALL their records\u201d, I said, \u201cBut yeah, we do have a lot. I like them, of course, but I also like the Association, though I don\u2019t have any of their records, or the Beach Boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got two Beach Boys records\u201d, she said, \u201cAnd one Mamas and the Papas, but not as many Beatles as you guys have.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I like all the Motown groups, of course\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course\u201d, she said back.<\/p>\n

\u201cThough we don\u2019t have any of their albums\u201d, I said, \u201cI just hear all those on the radio or play them on the jukeboxes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho do you like best?\u201d She asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d, I said, \u201cIt\u2019s hard to decide between the Supremes and the Vandellas, maybe the Supremes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know\u201d, she said, \u201cThe Supremes are nicer and the Vandellas are tougher, so I guess I like the Vandellas best.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I can\u2019t decide\u201d, she said, \u201cBetween Smokey Robinson or Stevie Wonder. Smokey\u2019s songs make you cry but Stevie\u2019s make you want to dance. And the Four Tops are great too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor me maybe Smokey\u201d, I said, \u201c\u2018Tracks of My Tears\u2019, but Stevie is great too AND the Four Tops.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember?\u201d she asked, \u201cWhen we were going to Saugatuck and we were at that restaurant and we each picked a secret song on the jukebox and you and I both picked the same one, \u2018Heatwave\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I remember\u201d, I said, smiling now, \u201cWe were always thinking the same things back then.\u201d She nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were\u201d, she said, still nodding, \u201cI liked that. I liked doing stuff with you. Sometimes we didn\u2019t even need to talk because we already knew what the other one was thinking.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said, noticing that I sounded a little sad. She noticed too.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo maybe we ARE more different now\u201d, she said, \u201cBut that\u2019s okay too I guess. I mean I play with girls and you play with boys so we\u2019re going to be different now, right?\u201d I wrinkled my nose and nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I was little\u201d, she said, \u201cAnd you and Paul were my main friends, I figured all boys were going to be like you two. But they weren\u2019t\u2026 they were\u2026 I don\u2019t know how to say it\u2026\u201d I remembered what my Bach School friend Amanda used to say about most boys.<\/p>\n

\u201cStupid?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

She looked up at the sky, thinking, and said, \u201cWell, maybe something like that. They just seem to have their own ideas all the time, and they don\u2019t seem to want to know mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut what were we talking about?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cMusic\u201d, I said, \u201cWhat we liked.\u201d She started nodding and I could tell she was thinking.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just like having so much of OUR music around\u201d, she said, \u201cAll the groups and bands I like and then all the others, that I don\u2019t know about yet, but also sound good. I pretend they\u2019re singing to me, trying to tell me things.\u201d I hadn\u2019t thought of it that way, but I was figuring she was right.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said, \u201cThey\u2019re telling us what we should be like when we\u2019re older and we\u2019re in charge, instead of all those crazy grownups, and what we should be doing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, she said, \u201cWhen WE\u2019RE the grownups and WE\u2019RE in charge.\u201d But that didn\u2019t sound right to me.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t think we\u2019ll ever BE \u2018grownups\u2019 like them. I mean, yeah, we\u2019ll be GROWN UP, but we\u2019ll be completely different.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReally\u201d, she said, \u201cYou think so?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said, feeling mad even, \u201cIf we become like them, that would be totally stupid!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u201d, she said, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

We both sat quietly for a minute, and looked out at the ocean. It just always pounded its waves on the shore, never changing. I wondered if she was thinking that now I was one of those boys she had been talking about, with his own ideas but not interested in hers.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you think?\u201d I asked. She smiled and looked at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell I don\u2019t know for sure\u201d, she said, \u201cBut when we\u2019re older, we\u2019ll be the moms and dads and the teachers, not kids anymore. There’ll be new kids growing up and they might just think WE\u2019RE the stupid grownups.\u201d I really hadn\u2019t thought about that but that did make sense, but it also worried me. We were quiet again as we both looked out at the ocean, pounding forever against the shore.<\/p>\n

Then there were the familiar three honks from mom in our car.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

We finally headed back home after three weeks at the cottage by Longnook Beach. Molly and her mom left too, but they went to Boston to spend the weekend there, before driving back to Ann Arbor. Mom drove straight home, though we did spend the night at a motel. It was that same motel in Niagara Falls we stayed at on the trip out, but we didn\u2019t go to the Falls this time and just got dinner and breakfast the next morning at the little restaurant place across the street. \u201cLet\u2019s just keep it real simple and get home!\u201d mom said.<\/p>\n

We were all sad that we were leaving the Cape and going home. Mom really didn\u2019t like having to do all that driving herself, saying it was no way to travel, which made me think about dad not being with us and that made me feel extra sad. I sat in the front seat again pretty much the whole way and it was my job to navigate, but also to try to find radio stations with music, news, or talking about interesting stuff. David sat in the back with his sketch pad and drew stuff.<\/p>\n

I WAS super happy that we had gone, and super happy that Molly had been there too that last week. She had been my best friend since I could remember when I was a little kid, and had been my best friend until two summers ago when we moved to Burns Park and she moved across town again. And I had been worried that I hadn\u2019t seen her since my tenth birthday party, and she may not even like me anymore, since I guess I wasn\u2019t sure I even liked me anymore.<\/p>\n

But I was so happy that it turned out that even though we weren\u2019t BEST friends anymore, we were still GOOD friends. She ran to the beach with me every morning, and we sat on the sand dunes and talked as we looked out at the ocean and waited for David, mom and her mom to come in the car so we could all go swim. When we were little we had thought that since we were best friends, we always wanted to be the same. Now we were older and had done different stuff, so we weren\u2019t the same anymore. But that was okay, because we still liked hanging out together, and we could tell each other things that we couldn\u2019t tell anyone else.<\/p>\n

A chapter in my life was ending. Hell, it felt bigger than just a chapter ending, if felt like a whole book was ending. The story of a kid having a regular family with a regular mom and a dad and we all lived in the same house and nobody thought we were strange. Now it felt like we were becoming something really different, and I was becoming something different too.<\/p>\n

And now everything was going to be even MORE different because I was going to junior high at Tappan in a few days and there would be like a THOUSAND kids there, and since I was a year younger than my classmates, because I skipped kindergarten, I might be the youngest kid in the WHOLE SCHOOL. I would have EIGHT different teachers instead of one, and maybe different kids in all those eight classes.<\/p>\n

I mean I didn\u2019t like school anyway, because there was always a grownup there, the teacher, in charge of you all the time, except maybe at recess, which we didn\u2019t have anymore. But I had gotten used to having that one teacher each year, and figuring out how to make them think I was a really good student, so they didn\u2019t try to bother me too much. And since there were the same kids in my class all the time, I\u2019d get them to like me, at least most of the other boys, so they wouldn\u2019t try to tease me or think I was strange. But now it seemed like school would be way more complicated, and at the same time my family was getting way more complicated too.<\/p>\n

I never liked the words \u201cchild\u201d or \u201cchildren\u201d. I can\u2019t remember ever saying either of those words my whole life since I started talking. When grownups used them, instead of saying \u201ckids\u201d, it was usually because they thought we were bad, or stupid, or they wanted to be in charge of us.<\/p>\n

If any grownups thought I had been a \u201cchild\u201d, there was no way in hell I was one anymore!<\/p>\n

[End]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[Author’s note: This is the final chapter of Clubius Contained] I was up early as usual and in the kitchen eating a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast when there was a knock on the front door of our cottage. Molly and her mom had arrived last night and had stopped by for just a little […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[1777,13,1774,1773,1799,1800,1775],"class_list":["post-7959","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adventure","tag-1960s","tag-ann-arbor","tag-autobiography","tag-childhood","tag-free-range-kid","tag-growing-up","tag-memoir"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t