{"id":7773,"date":"2024-04-05T15:28:16","date_gmt":"2024-04-05T22:28:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/?p=7773"},"modified":"2024-04-05T15:28:18","modified_gmt":"2024-04-05T22:28:18","slug":"clubius-contained-part-23-in-the-lilac-bushes-june-1964","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/2024\/04\/05\/clubius-contained-part-23-in-the-lilac-bushes-june-1964\/","title":{"rendered":"Clubius Contained Part 23 – In the Lilac Bushes (June 1964)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It was the last day of school. I was finally done with fourth grade. The last day of school was my FAVORITE day of the whole year because I didn\u2019t have to have grownups in charge of me anymore, or at least until fifth grade started in the fall. It was better than Christmas OR my birthday, which were my second and third favorite days of the year. And as you can probably figure out, the first day of school in the fall was my least favorite day of the year. That\u2019s when grownups being in charge of me started again.<\/p>\n

This year I even liked my teacher, Mrs Larkin. She let us do a lot of stuff we decided for ourselves, and really liked me and my friends because we were really good students. She was way better than Mrs Rodney last year, damn her to hell, even though she taught us how to sing together, which I really liked. My first grade teacher, Miss Zimmerman, was still my favorite, because she was more like an older kid or one of those college students than a grownup.<\/p>\n

But even if my teachers were good, I didn\u2019t like them being in charge of me all the time. Mrs Larkin would let us do what we wanted sometimes, but we still had to ask her, and work hard all the time to get all our answers right so she\u2019d think we were smart and good and let us do it our way.<\/p>\n

Most of my friends, except my newer friend Lenny, liked school more than I did. Amanda, Gabe and Jake thought if you didn\u2019t go to school you\u2019d be stupid. Herbie liked school because he didn\u2019t like being at home because of his dad and his mom. Theo liked school because that was what a kid was supposed to do, so you might as well like it.<\/p>\n

I was walking home from school up Fifth street to Allmendinger Park with Lenny. The sun was out and it was warm with a nice cool \u201cbreeze\u201d, that\u2019s what mom called the wind when it wasn\u2019t blowing hard. Lenny and I were both talking about how glad we were that it was summer and that maybe our little league team, the Orioles, would be better this year, because our coach had us do more practices than last year, and because Lenny was on our team. Lenny was really good at baseball and he was our best pitcher, because he could throw the ball fast and \u201cthrow strikes\u201d like our coach said. So our first game would be tomorrow at this school called \u201cDicken\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cCoach wants me to pitch on Saturday\u201d, he said, \u201cI\u2019m ready.\u201d When he pitched to me at practice or in the park I had trouble hitting it because it was so fast it was scary. I couldn\u2019t wait until guys on the other team tried to get hits when he was pitching. He was left-handed like me and like that Sandy Koufax guy on the Dodgers who most kids said was the best pitcher in regular baseball. Lenny liked to talk about everything he was thinking about, and I just walked next to him and nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI heard these two older kids talking in the park the other day\u201d, he said, \u201cThey didn\u2019t know I was listening, but they were talking about these other kids that get naked in the lilac bushes, like it\u2019s some sort of secret club or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u201d I asked, it didn\u2019t seem possible. I\u2019d been in the park for years and I had never heard about or saw anything like that. The kids I knew who knew the most about the park, Ricky, Marybeth and Paul had never said anything about anything like that.<\/p>\n

It sounded interesting to me and even a little exciting, but I wasn\u2019t going to tell Lenny that, after what happened when I told Joey that I\u2019d \u201cpull down my pants for Mary\u201d last year and he told on me in class. I knew you weren\u2019t supposed to do stuff like that, like when Molly and I got naked a long time ago up in her bedroom at her old house across the street. Even though THAT was supposed to be really bad, it was really exciting and fun.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d, said Lenny, \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t do stuff like that, right?\u201d If I shook my head no, that would be kind of lying, which I didn\u2019t like to do with other kids. Grownups sure, but not other kids.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to\u201d, I said instead.<\/p>\n

\u201cRight\u201d, he said, \u201cYou can get in a lot of trouble.\u201d I nodded, but now I was really wondering about it.<\/p>\n

When we got to Allmendinger Park lots of kids were there, just back from the last day of school. They all seemed pretty happy about it, because they were talking louder and doing more laughing than they usually did.<\/p>\n

There was a group of older girls on and around the swings who were talking about which one of the Beatles they liked the most. Marybeth was there, and her sister Hannah was close by climbing on the monkey bars with two other girls. Hannah saw me and waved. I waved back. Marybeth saw Hannah waving and looked to see who she was waving at, saw me and waved too.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know a lot of girls\u201d, Lenny said. I got worried when he said that, wondering what he was thinking about me, maybe thinking I was some kind of sissy, though he\u2019d never said anything about that stuff before. He had gone to my ninth birthday party and Molly had been there when Danny told him that Molly was my best friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know more boys than girls\u201d, I said, thinking I better say something like that, so he didn\u2019t keep thinking about me and girls.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, he said, \u201cI know. I hardly know ANY girls. Diane is always saying bad things about me so Mary and all those other girls in class wouldn\u2019t talk to me, and Amanda thought I was stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n

I laughed through my nose, I was now doing it too like grownups and older kids. \u201cAmanda thinks most boys are stupid\u201d, I said, thinking that would make him feel better.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you and Gabe and Jake were always talking to her at recess\u201d, he said, \u201cShe didn\u2019t think you guys were stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, I said, \u201cWe\u2019ve been in class together since first grade, and she isn\u2019t like a regular girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs she a tomboy?\u201d he asked. I shook my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, she\u2019s just super smart\u201d, I said, \u201cAnd likes being a good student. And she thinks all the other girls are silly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, he said, \u201cI think she\u2019s right about that. So I guess she hangs out with you and Gabe and Jack because you\u2019re the smartest boys.\u201d I wasn\u2019t sure whether to nod or say something about that. I know most kids didn\u2019t like other kids who talked about how they were better. The older kids called it being \u201cconceited\u201d or a \u201cshow off\u201d. Some kid would say\u2026<\/p>\n

You think you\u2019re hot snot on a silver platter
\nBut you\u2019re really cold boogers on a paper plate<\/p>\n

So I raised and lowered my shoulders like I didn\u2019t know if that was true, hoping that would end it and we wouldn\u2019t talk about it anymore.<\/p>\n

But it didn\u2019t work. \u201cYeah\u201d, he said, \u201cI know you. You know you\u2019re super smart. You just had your ninth birthday but you\u2019re in fourth grade and all the rest of us are ten.\u201d I wasn\u2019t sure what to say and was worried about talking about it.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, I said, \u201cI guess I\u2019m good at school stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ARE!\u201d he said, \u201cLike I\u2019m good at baseball pitching. It\u2019s okay to say you\u2019re good at something if you ARE.\u201d I nodded, but wasn\u2019t sure he was right about that, though he WAS a really good pitcher.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo I got to go home and practice my pitching\u201d, he said, \u201cMy dad set up this tire in the backyard that I try to throw baseballs through. He has a bunch of them that he keeps in a bucket. And when he gets home from work he\u2019s going to practice with me, he said, so in tomorrow\u2019s game, he and everybody else there will see how good a pitcher I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lenny headed off to walk home and I watched him while I was thinking. I wanted to be good at baseball too, but I was really glad that mom and dad didn\u2019t do stuff like that with me and come to our games to see how good I was.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey\u201d, It was Paul\u2019s voice, \u201cThat\u2019s that Lenny kid, right?\u201d I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe won\u2019t talk to me because I\u2019m only in third grade\u201d, he said, shaking his head slowly. He made a kind of whooshing noise through his teeth. \u201cWe all played together at your party, but when I said hi to him in the park after that, he asked me what grade I was in, and when I told him third, he just ran off.\u201d<\/p>\n

I nodded, but I was thinking about that other thing Lenny said about the boys in the lilac bushes. I knew Paul knew a lot about what was going on in the park and would always keep secrets and I could trust him not to tell on me.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo Lenny was saying something about boys getting naked in the lilac bushes\u201d, I said, \u201cYou heard anything about that?\u201d Paul nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah there\u2019s that one older kid, Zeke\u201d, he said, \u201cI think he\u2019s in sixth grade. I\u2019ve heard him talking about it though he always says it\u2019s disgusting and he\u2019d never do it. But he just keeps talking about it, so I wonder. And he\u2019s not very nice.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul pointed to the bunch of lilac bushes across from Marybeth and Hannah\u2019s house. \u201cI figure that one\u2019s probably the secret meeting place, it\u2019s got the most room inside. That\u2019s where the girls have most of their secret meetings.\u201d<\/p>\n

We walked back over to where all the girls were talking by the swings. Since Marybeth lived across the street from that bunch of lilac bushes, and her and Hannah\u2019s bedroom window upstairs looked down on the bushes, I wondered if she might know something. I couldn\u2019t ASK her about boys getting naked in the bushes, because then she or one of the other girls that heard might think that I wanted to do that. But maybe I could ask her something else about secret clubs.<\/p>\n

When we got back over to where the girls were all around the swings, they were all singing a song together, it was that new Beatles one\u2026<\/p>\n

I’ll give you all I’ve got to give
\nIf you say you love me too
\nI may not have a lot to give
\nBut what I got, I’ll give to you
\nI don’t care too much for money
\nMoney can’t buy me love<\/p>\n

Can’t buy me love, everybody tells me so
\nCan’t buy me love, no-no-no, no!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019d heard the song on the radio and a lot at Miller\u2019s ice cream on the jukebox there, and I\u2019d put in nickels to play it too because I liked it. I couldn\u2019t quite explain WHY I liked it. The kids on American Bandstand on TV would say it had a \u201cgood beat\u201d. I guess that was what I thought too.<\/p>\n

Paul and I didn\u2019t stand next to the girls all standing around the swingsets, because we weren\u2019t other girls and there were no other boys there, so some of them might not like it. So Paul and I walked by them, and walked by the monkeybars where Hannah was and started to spin the merry-go-round around and jumped on it. The girls had stopped singing and were arguing whether John or Paul was the one singing that song.<\/p>\n

\u201cMust be John\u201d, I said to Paul, trying to make a joke, \u201cBecause you didn\u2019t sing it.\u201d He nodded and we both laughed through our noses like older kids.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you heard that new song by the Supremes?\u201d he asked, kind of loud, as we spun around on the thing hanging on to the bars across from each other. I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere Did Our Love Go\u201d, I said loud back across to him. I\u2019d heard the song on the radio and at Miller\u2019s too.<\/p>\n

It seemed like most of the songs were about \u201clove\u201d, which I got meant really REALLY liking somebody a LOT, and so much that you wanted to do kissyface stuff with them.<\/p>\n

Hannah was now by herself on the monkeybars and looked bored. She climbed down and ran over to the merry-go-round and jumped on, working her way between the bars to get close to where I was hanging off the edge.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s David?\u201d she asked, \u201cI went over to your house and he wasn\u2019t there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you ask my mom where he was?\u201d I asked. She shook her head.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one was there\u201d, she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe my dad took him out somewhere\u201d, I said. She wrinkled her nose, like she didn\u2019t like that. I wondered if she and Marybeth had a mom and dad at all. They said they did, but I had never seen them. Just their grandmother that they called \u201cBobchos\u201d, all the grownups called \u201cMrs Bukowski\u201d, and some of the older boys called \u201cthe crazy old lady\u201d.<\/p>\n

Paul asked Hannah, \u201cDo you want to go fast?\u201d He looked across the merry-go-round at me and I nodded like that was a good idea. We were both nine now so we could make it go REALLY fast.<\/p>\n

\u201cHang on\u201d, I said, as Paul and I both jumped off, held the bars and ran and made the thing spin fast. Hannah screamed, but I had seen little girls play enough in the park now that I knew it wasn\u2019t because she was scared. It was just what some of them did when they were excited and having fun. Paul and I jumped on and hung off either side again across from each other, holding on to the bars.<\/p>\n

Then Marybeth came over with this other older girl who looked like she was maybe the same age. Marybeth had gotten a lot taller. She and her friend were both really tall.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou guys want to go even faster?\u201d she asked. Paul and I nodded, still hanging off the ends across from each other. Her friend ran across to the other side and then they both started to run and grabbed bars and we started spinning even faster. They were girls but they could run pretty fast. Finally they both jumped on.<\/p>\n

Leaning towards the middle as we spun, Marybeth and her friend stepped slowly toward the middle where they sat just opposite each other. Hannah tried to do what they had done, but she had trouble and had to fall down on her hands and knees and crawl to the middle. I started to move towards the middle too, and Paul saw me and did the same. We didn\u2019t sit next to the three girls but stood above them leaning in and holding onto bars. I was trying to think of something to ask Marybeth that might help me find out about that secret meeting where the boys got naked without really asking her about it.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can see the Lilac bushes from your bedroom window, right?\u201d I asked her.<\/p>\n

She looked at me like that was a weird question and then looked at her friend and made a funny face that made her friend laugh through her nose.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u201d, Marybeth said, \u201cSo what?\u201d She seemed way more like a really older kid now, one of those \u201cteenagers\u201d, rather than a regular kid like Paul or me.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t girls have all their secret meetings in those lilac bushes by your house?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think so\u201d, said Paul, figuring out my sneaky plan.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do you care?\u201d her friend asked, \u201cYou want to spy on them?\u201d I shook my head really fast.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u201d, I said, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t spy on people, specially girls. We just want to have a meeting there too but we don\u2019t want to steal their place.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kind of meeting?\u201d her friend asked. I wasn\u2019t sure what to say and looked at Paul.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t tell you\u201d, said Paul, \u201cIt\u2019s secret.\u201d Marybeth laughed through her nose, and then her friend laughed too.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay\u201d, her friend said, \u201cWhatever\u201d, like she didn\u2019t want to talk about it anymore.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw some boys have a meeting there last Sunday in the morning\u201d, said Marybeth, \u201cAnd maybe the Sunday before too. That wasn\u2019t you guys?\u201d We both shook our heads and looked at each other and Paul\u2019s eyes flashed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought just girls had meeting\u2019s there\u201d, Paul said.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u201d, said Marybeth, shaking her head, \u201cGirls and boys go in there all the time, to have meetings, to talk, to play. Sometimes an older girl and boy go in there to make out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike Sherry and Daniel?\u201d asked her friend. They both laughed a regular laugh. I liked it when girls laughed when I was talking to them. It made me feel like they weren\u2019t worried about talking to a boy, so I didn\u2019t worry either.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s \u2018making out\u2019?\u201d asked Hannah. She had been sitting in the middle of the spinning merry-go-round watching all us older kids talk about all this stuff.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s when a boy and girl want to kiss each other a lot and do other stuff too\u201d, Marybeth said, looking down at Hannah. Her friend looked at her and wrinkled her nose.<\/p>\n

\u201cIsn\u2019t she too young to know about this stuff?\u201d her friend asked.<\/p>\n

Marybeth moved her shoulders up and down and said, \u201cMaybe\u2026 but she asked.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat other stuff?\u201d asked Hannah.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay you\u201d, Marybeth said, shaking her head and looking up at the sky, \u201cEnough. Hannah, ask me when we\u2019re back home and maybe I\u2019ll tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n

I nodded like that was a good plan, but I really didn\u2019t know what that other stuff was, so I wish Marybeth had said.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The next day was Saturday and we had our first ten-year-old Little League game. It was at this place called \u201cDicken\u201d, which I guess was a school, and only Gabe knew where it was. So Me, Lenny and Herbie all rode our bikes to Gabe and Theo\u2019s houses, and then Gabe led us all on a long bike ride. We rode up Hutchins across Pauline past Allmendinger and then down Franklin by Paul\u2019s house. Then when we got to Stadium, we rode along the sidewalk for a long way. We went across the big street and down a street called \u201cAlhambra\u201d and then around to another street called \u201cStephen Terrace\u201d, which went around instead of straight and finally there was the school.<\/p>\n

It was kind of an interesting place around the school. There were houses on one side of the school that all kind of looked the same. There were trees but they were all small, not like the big ones around where I lived and going down into the city part. The other side of the school there were no houses or buildings, just the baseball field.<\/p>\n

The adventure getting there and the place were way more interesting than the game. We actually won, fifteen to twelve, but their pitcher kid just walked most of us when we went up to bat. Our coach said when we were batting we shouldn\u2019t swing at a pitch until their pitcher threw a strike, and I got three walks. I could tell the kids on their team out in the field were getting bored or even mad while their pitcher walked guys, and felt embarrassed. I felt embarrassed for the pitcher, and all the other kids on their team.<\/p>\n

The next time I got up I just wanted to hit it, even if the pitch wasn\u2019t a strike, because that\u2019s what you did in pickup games, hitting and fielding was what made baseball fun, not getting walks all the time. I hit the ball pretty hard and it went right at the kid playing first base. He stuck up his glove but it bounced off and hit him in the chest. I was able to run to first, but when I came back to the base he was crying and his coach came out and was mad at him. Not because he didn\u2019t catch the ball, but for crying. I didn\u2019t like standing there on first base, doing nothing while this grownup told the kid stuff like \u201cbe a man\u201d and \u201cbe tough\u201d. As soon as the coach had gone away, I told the kid I was sorry. But he looked at me really mad like I was making fun of him.<\/p>\n

That whole thing was bad, and it made the whole game feel bad too. When I finally got around the other bases and scored, our coach and the other kids on my team said that I got a great hit, but it didn\u2019t feel great, or even good, because of what happened to that kid. It was like if bad stuff happened to someone on the other team that was good for your team you were supposed to like it. If it happened to kids you were playing a pickup game with in the park you wouldn\u2019t like it. Not that some older kid might say the same kind of stuff that the coach did about not crying.<\/p>\n

So after the game we all rode our bikes back to Allmendinger Park. Even though I didn\u2019t like the game very much, we were all just happy that it was summertime and we were all together and could do whatever we wanted and didn\u2019t have to go to school anymore, at least for a long time.<\/p>\n

When we got back to the park there were older kids playing a Little League game, and my friends all wanted to sit in those metal bleacher things and watch it, us with OUR baseball t-shirts and caps on, though not as neat as the older kids\u2019 Little League uniforms, which were caps, shirts and pants and those special striped socks. The back of their special baseball shirts had blue circles with \u201cWashtenaw Dairy\u201d in white cursive letters.<\/p>\n

We all sat in the top row of the bleachers on the first base side. A lot of the kids playing saw us up there and nodded like it was neat that we came to their game. Some of them asked us if we won our game. We said we did and told them the score, but didn\u2019t tell them how stupid the game was with all those walks or about that kid that got hit and cried. We were all just super happy it was summertime and we were out of school and doing stuff that we WANTED to do, like playing baseball.<\/p>\n

So we watched the game and I saw that Zeke kid, the one that Paul had said was talking about boys getting naked in the lilac bushes. He was playing for the other team. I told my friends I needed to get a drink of water, and after I walked over to the water fountain at the lodge place, I walked over by the other bleachers on the third base side where Zeke\u2019s team was. Zeke was standing and practicing swinging a bat. He saw me walking up to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s up kid?\u201d he asked, \u201cYou in tee ball?\u201d I shook my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u201d, I said, \u201cTen-year-old league. We won our first game this morning over at Dicken, fifteen to twelve.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTen-year-old league, eh\u201d, he said, \u201cAll walks right?\u201d I nodded and grinned, figuring I wanted him to like me.<\/p>\n

\u201cYep\u201d, I said, \u201cAll walks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry kid\u201d, he said, \u201cBy next year it\u2019ll seem more like real baseball.\u201d I nodded again.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look familiar\u201d, he said. I nodded another time.<\/p>\n

\u201cYep\u201d, I said, \u201cI live right across the street from the park. You\u2019re Zeke, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s my name\u201d, he said, almost like he was singing a song, \u201cWhat\u2019s your game\u2026 kid?\u201d I figured he was being silly, so I wasn\u2019t sure how or whether to answer. So I decided just to ask my question and see what he said or didn\u2019t say.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo there\u2019s that secret meeting in the Lilac bushes over there\u201d, I said, pointing, \u201cSome kids said you might know about that.\u201d He looked worried.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kids?\u201d he asked, looking at me more carefully now and not swinging his bat any more.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust some kids\u201d, I said, \u201cI don\u2019t know their names.\u201d<\/p>\n

Still looking worried he said, \u201cI don\u2019t know anything about that. What kind of secret meeting?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d, I said, \u201cBut they said they were doing super super secret stuff. Stuff they couldn\u2019t tell ANYBODY because\u2026\u201d I couldn\u2019t think what to say next.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause what?\u201d he asked, now seeming even more worried.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause it\u2019s super super secret\u201d, I said, \u201cAnd they said that the meetings were early Sunday morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh THOSE secret meetings\u201d, he said, shaking his head, \u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019d be interested, kid.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then I heard a grownup\u2019s kind of fierce voice say, \u201cZEKE, you\u2019re up!\u201d He went to the plate and I walked back behind the backstop fence back to the bleachers where my friends were and climbed through the people sitting on the lower steps back to sit with my friends.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know that kid?\u201d Herbie asked. I shook my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cNah\u201d, I said, \u201cHe just saw my uniform and asked me how our game went.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

It was the next morning, Sunday morning, and I got out of bed as soon as I was awake. I could see through the one window in our room that dad was mowing the grass in the backyard and David was playing in the dirt pile under the maple tree. The door to mom and dad\u2019s room was closed, so mom was probably sleeping in again.<\/p>\n

I quickly got dressed and went into the kitchen and ate a bowl of Cheerios. I was excited. I was going to see if this \u201csecret meeting\u201d in the lilac bushes was really happening and what it was all about. I wondered if that Zeke kid would be there, and if he would be mad at me being there. I made sure to go out the front door so dad and David didn\u2019t see me. The sun was out though there were puffy clouds in the sky. There was just a little wind, that \u201cbreeze\u201d thing again. I didn\u2019t walk down the sidewalk on our side of Potter street, because dad or David might see me from our backyard.<\/p>\n

So I crossed Potter instead and walked over past the bunch of lilac bushes that were closest to our house. I could really smell their sweet smell, what mom called \u201cfragrance\u201d. I looked over to the bunch of bushes along Hutchins across from Marybeth and Hannah\u2019s house. I saw a kid\u2019s face peeking out looking around. It was that Zeke kid, and I could tell that he saw me, so I walked toward him. As I got close to the bushes he was shaking his head slowly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are YOU doing here, kid?\u201d he asked, his voice sounding fierce, \u201cDidn\u2019t I tell you you wouldn\u2019t be interested in this secret meeting.\u201d He looked at me for a minute thinking then said, \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t try to spy on us would you?\u201d he asked. I shook my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI would never spy\u201d, I said, shaking my head, \u201cSpying is bad and I would never, ever do that. I know I\u2019d rot in hell if I did.\u201d I had heard some older kids using those words \u201crot in hell\u201d, so I used them because it sounded good.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u201d, he said, \u201cMaybe you\u2019re okay then, and we\u2019ve got room for one more. You better come in before somebody sees you. He pulled on a big branch of one of the bushes so I could get between two of them and inside. There were four other boys in there with him. Inside the bushes the smell of the lilacs was REALLY strong, it made it hard to even think!<\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s this kid?\u201d one of them asked, talking quietly, but like a loud hissing whisper. He seemed older than the other three, maybe Zeke\u2019s age. The other kids were more like my age. I\u2019d seen all of them in the park, but I didn\u2019t know who they were.<\/p>\n

\u201cI see him in the park all the time\u201d, said Zeke, also whispering the same way, \u201cI think he\u2019s okay.\u201d The other older boy nodded, and then the three other boys nodded too.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes he know the rules?\u201d the other older boy asked, still quiet but fierce.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u201d, said Zeke, \u201cYou tell him.\u201d The other boy nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll remind everyone\u201d, the other boy said, and he turned his head to look at each one of us like this was really, really important.<\/p>\n

\u201cGentlemen\u2026\u201d His voice was quiet but still fierce, like his eyes when he took his turn looking at me. Sometimes older boys used that \u201cgentleman\u201d word that grownup men used sometimes when talking to each other. I think they figured it made what they were about to say sound more important, though I would never say that, and didn\u2019t like it when other kids said it, but I didn\u2019t say anything.<\/p>\n

\u201cRule one\u201d, he said, \u201cThis is a secret meeting so you don\u2019t tell ANYONE about it. Not your parents. Not even your best friends.\u201d I nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cRule two\u201d, he said, \u201cEverybody here has to do whatever we tell you to do, and you can\u2019t tell ANYONE about that either.\u201d I nodded again.<\/p>\n

\u201cCross your heart and hope to die?\u201d he asked. I nodded. I figured that if they asked me to do something really bad I could just run out of the bushes back to my backyard where dad and David were and then what could Zeke and that other older kid do. But I felt that that wasn\u2019t going to happen. They were just being extra careful.<\/p>\n

\u201cSAY IT!\u201d he said, in that loud hissing whisper, looking at me fiercely.<\/p>\n

\u201cCross my heart and hope to die\u201d, I said, putting my right hand on my chest like we did for the pledge of allegiance.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s better\u201d, he said, \u201cNow EVERYBODY has to say it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Everybody, including him and Zeke and the three others, and me again, said it, \u201cCross my heart and hope to die.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, good\u201d, he said, now not so fierce, \u201cNow gentlemen, please take off your shoes and socks.\u201d The other boys started doing it, throwing their socks and shoes into a pile between us. So I did it too, really excited because it looked like the next thing would be to take off our clothes. The dirt felt cool and good under my feet, as I wiggled my toes on it.<\/p>\n

I remembered that day almost four years ago when Molly and I got naked together up in her bedroom of her old house across the street from mine. This time it would be with other boys, so this was a little different, but also exciting.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay\u201d, said the other older kid, \u201cVERY good!. Now gentlemen, we\u2019re all going to take off our shirts and pants.\u201d Me and the three other younger boys kind of waited for Zeke and the other older kid to start before we did. We didn\u2019t want to look like we WANTED to get naked, but only did it because they were telling us. We all threw our shirts and pants into the pile on top of our shoes and socks. It felt good to see all our clothes there together, like we were all going to do this together. We all were wearing the same kind of white underwear, not that \u201cboxer\u201d kind that dad wore.<\/p>\n

He looked at all of us and nodded with his lips pushed together like it was good.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow gentleman\u201d, he said, talking slower, like this was the main part, \u201cEach of you is going to pull down his underwear, one at a time.\u201d He looked at the kid next to him. \u201cYou first.\u201d<\/p>\n

The kid nodded, said okay, looked at all of us, and pulled down his underwear to the ground, stepped out of them and tossed them on the pile. I had never seen another kid\u2019s penis. It looked pretty much like mine, but still. He looked at all of us again and stood there naked and smiled, like he was glad he finally got to do it. That made sense to me, and I was excited waiting for my turn, but there were still two other kids before me.<\/p>\n

Each of those two took off his underwear, and threw it on the pile of clothes. All of the rest of us watched each one as they did it, not saying anything. I could tell they were both excited like I was, and happy when they were naked in front of the rest of us.<\/p>\n

So when they all first looked at me I got shy and scared, and my whole body shivered.<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst time, kid?\u201d the other older kid asked, but his voice sounded friendly now. I was going to nod, but then I thought about getting naked with Molly, and I shook my head, and realized I didn\u2019t want to be shy anymore.<\/p>\n

So before he could say anything else to me, or maybe even tease me, I pulled down my underwear, and as soon as I could feel the air on my penis and knew they all could see it, I was so excited, and there were little \u201cgoose bumps\u201d all up and down my arms. I saw their eyes all look down at it, that part of me that no one ever saw and I wasn\u2019t supposed to show anybody. But here I was, showing it, and it felt really good.<\/p>\n

I thought about last year, when I had told Joey, right here in these same bushes, that I\u2019d \u201cpull down my pants for Mary\u201d. I think I said that because I had what the older kids called a \u201ccrush\u201d on her, where you were thinking about her a lot and you wanted her to like you. I wanted her to know that I would even do something embarrassing for her, and that I wasn\u2019t afraid to show her who I really was. Something like that I think.<\/p>\n

When I actually did get naked with Molly, a long time ago when we were five, I don\u2019t think it was a \u201ccrush\u201d thing, even though I guess you could say that we really really liked each other. It was because we were best friends, and we both wanted to do it even though we weren\u2019t supposed to because it would be fun, and we knew the other one wouldn\u2019t tell anyone.<\/p>\n

So now I was getting naked with these other boys, who I didn\u2019t even know and didn\u2019t know me, just because it would be fun and they wouldn\u2019t tell. I didn\u2019t have a crush on them or even really like them, but that didn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n

Zeke looked at me standing there naked, goosebumps on my arms, my toes digging in the soft dirt I was standing on. He smiled and nodded his head just the littlest bit. I bent down and threw my underwear on the pile.<\/p>\n

Then Zeke and the other older kid pulled down their underwear. Their penises were a little bit bigger than the rest of ours but looked about the same. We all stood there for what felt like a long time, the sweet smell of the lilac bushes making all of us just kind of not worry about anything and even a little bit silly, kind of like the grownups with that punch stuff they drank at parties.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay gentleman\u201d, said Zeke now, \u201cEverybody turn around and show us your bottoms.\u201d We all turned around, though we all had trouble seeing each other having to look behind us now, and as we tried to turn our heads each way to see, our bottoms moved back and forth in a silly way and it was pretty funny, some of us even laughing a little bit.<\/p>\n

We were breaking the rule, the grownup\u2019s rule, that showing these \u201cprivate\u201d parts of your body was really bad, even though we knew they did it with each other when they were in bed at night. And they did other stuff too, like in the Roy Rogers and Dale Evans joke. Most of us didn\u2019t know what all that was yet, but we knew it was something, and it was special, and probably really fun. But here in our secret place we would do at least this much, and like it a lot.<\/p>\n

Suddenly we heard the voices of two girls talking to each other as they walked down the sidewalk just across Hutchins from us. One asked the other, \u201cIs that where the boys have their secret meeting on Sunday morning?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know, maybe\u201d, said the other, \u201cIt would be fun to spy on them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSomebody said they take off their clothes in there\u201d, said the first.<\/p>\n

\u201cEwww\u201d, said the other, \u201cBoys are so\u2026 ewww\u201d.<\/p>\n

We all got scared and rushed to find our underwear and other clothes in the pile and quickly get dressed again. Once we were dressed we laughed at being so scared. The two girls had kept walking up Hutchins and had disappeared across Pauline. It was actually kind of fun because at least we had all been scared together, Zeke and that other older kid had been just as scared as the rest of us.<\/p>\n

\u201cWelp\u201d, said Zeke, \u201cI\u2019m outta here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah me too\u201d, said the other older boy. Then he looked at the rest of us and said, \u201cRemember, this never happened. We tell nobody!\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The next Saturday I was playing soldiers and Martians in the dirt pile in our backyard with David and Paul. Mom was hanging the clothes she just washed on that metal clothesline thing at the end of the driveway close to where we were playing.<\/p>\n

She had the radio from the kitchen playing by where she was hanging clothes. It was plugged into this long thing called an \u201cextension cord\u201d that went into the house and was plugged into one or the \u201coutlets\u201d in the kitchen. It wasn\u2019t that CKLW station that me and other kids liked to listen to, but that other one close to it on the dial with talking and more grownup music. Right now it was playing a Frank Sinatra song and mom was humming along because she REALLY LIKED him. I think she liked the last part of the song SO MUCH that she started singing, even though she couldn\u2019t sing very well. I don\u2019t think she even knew she was doing it\u2026<\/p>\n

Now I shout it from the highest hill
\nEven told the golden daffodils
\nAt last my heart’s an open door
\nAnd my secret love’s no secret
\nMy secret love’s no secret
\nMy secret love’s no secret anymore<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Then she stopped singing or even humming. \u201cThis is strange!\u201d she said. Paul and I looked at her, though David was too busy getting Godzilla ready to attack the soldiers.<\/p>\n

\u201cCoolie\u201d, she said, she used that nickname for me specially when she was feeling happy, \u201cYou have one pair of underwear that\u2019s different than the other pairs. I could swear I haven\u2019t seen them before.\u201d She looked at me like she wondered if I knew why.<\/p>\n

I lifted my shoulders up and down and said, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul looked at me like maybe I DID know but I wasn\u2019t telling her.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

It was the next morning, Sunday, and I woke up early again. We had won our baseball game yesterday at Buhr Park when Lenny pitched, ten to seven. We had lost our game Wednesday at Virginia Park, fifteen to eight, when Theo tried to pitch. He had walked just about everybody.<\/p>\n

Dad and David were in the kitchen eating breakfast. Dad said he was going to take David over to play at his friend Jimmie\u2019s house and then go out to run some errands before picking David up before lunchtime. He said mom was \u201csleeping in\u201d, but after lunch he and mom had some errands to run together, so they wanted me to keep an eye on David until they got home. I was okay doing that \u201cbabysitting\u201d stuff, because it made mom and dad think I was \u201cgrowing up\u201d and that I could do more stuff by myself.<\/p>\n

But this morning I also wanted to go out to the park to see if Zeke and those other boys were going to have the secret meeting in the lilac bushes again. I knew most people thought it was bad to do that kind of stuff, but I had liked it and wanted to do it again and maybe do even more stuff, though I wasn\u2019t sure what.<\/p>\n

So when dad and David left in the car, I walked over to the park. I couldn\u2019t really see many kids anywhere. There were two boys swinging on the swings. It looked like there were some grownups or those older student guys playing basketball way across the park in the other corner. So I walked over to the lilac bushes by Marybeth and Hannah\u2019s house but there was no one else there when I went inside. As I smelled their super sweet smell, I remembered taking my clothes off in front of the other boys last Sunday, and how good it felt to be naked around other kids who weren\u2019t worried about it like most kids seemed to be. I wondered if I should take off my clothes here by myself, but that wouldn\u2019t be the same because no one else was watching.<\/p>\n

I heard the voice of a kid saying something to another kid. It sounded like they were running towards me. \u201cThat\u2019s that kid from last week\u201d, he said.<\/p>\n

I waited. Finally they got to the bushes and came inside and saw me. \u201cYou came back\u201d, one of them said to me smiling. I nodded.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t even know their names and they didn\u2019t know mine, but I figured that was probably good like that.<\/p>\n

The other one looked at me and asked, \u201cDo you think those two older kids will be here?\u201d I raised and lowered my shoulders because I didn\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe should probably wait and see\u201d, said the first one and then looked at me. I nodded. I had had fun and I think they had too, that\u2019s why they came back, but none of us were going to talk about it because of that first rule, I guess, about not telling anybody.<\/p>\n

So we all waited for the older kids to come, but they didn\u2019t. We kept on peeking out between the branches looking for them. But then we saw four girls walking quietly up Hutchins from the corner by Paul\u2019s house pointing at the lilac bushes we were in and putting one finger over their mouth to tell the other girls to be quiet. They walked by us on the sidewalk on the other side of the street but then crossed a little farther up and went into the bunch of lilac bushes between our bunch and the play area in the trees.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh no\u201d, said the one boy, whispering now, \u201cIt\u2019s those girls who were going to spy on us. What do we do?\u201d We still had our clothes on so I figured we were okay, but then I had an idea.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s sneak out the other side of these bushes\u201d, I whispered, \u201cWhere the girls can\u2019t see us. They both whispered \u201cokay\u201d.<\/p>\n

It was like when we played pretend war. We crawled out of the bunch of bushes on the opposite side of the bushes the girls were in. We crawled through the grass and down the little slope to Potter street and then crawled along the grass right by the curb over to where that third bunch of lilac bushes just across from my house was, and then we crawled inside of those. There wasn\u2019t as much room inside as the bushes we had been in, but just enough for us to hide and see out. And we waited.<\/p>\n

Nothing happened for a while but then two of the girls kind of sneaked out of their bushes towards the ones we had been in before. I saw one of the girls look at the other and shake her head. They slowly got closer until they were right next to the bushes we had been in.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s nobody in there\u201d, the one said to the other.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s nobody in there\u201d, the other yelled to the two other girls who were still in their bunch of lilac bushes. Those two girls came out, looking mad.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw them in there\u201d, one of them said, \u201cWhere\u2019d they go?\u201d They walked over and stood next to the first two and looked around.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re probably going to search and find us\u201d, whispered the boy lying next to me in the bushes, \u201cWhat do we do now?\u201d he asked, looking at me like I was in charge now. I liked that he thought I was in charge.<\/p>\n

\u201cFollow me\u201d, I whispered, \u201cThey\u2019ll never find us.\u201d<\/p>\n

There were no cars coming so I ran across Potter street across the little backyard of the people that lived next to us on the corner and into our backyard. The other two boys followed me laughing quietly like we had tricked the girls.<\/p>\n

When I got to our side door I looked at them behind me, put my finger over my mouth and said, \u201cShhh! Wait here.\u201d I opened the screen and regular side door quietly and snuck into the kitchen. When I got to the door to the living room I saw that the door to the bathroom was closed and I could hear the noise of sloshing water, and I knew mom was taking a bath, something she liked to do these days on Sunday mornings, specially when no one else was around.<\/p>\n

I went back to the side door and opened the screen carefully and whispered for the other two boys to come in quietly and go down the stairs into the basement. Then I quietly closed the screen door and walked slowly down the stairs too, so I didn\u2019t make much noise.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re safe from the girls here\u201d, I said, still whispering, because I knew mom was right above us in the bathtub, and it also felt more like a secret meeting if we whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs this your house?\u201d one asked. I nodded, and I thought it was funny that he might have thought I just went into somebody else\u2019s house.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s your mom and dad?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy dad and my brother are out for the morning and my mom\u2019s\u201d, I whispered, pointing up above me at the ceiling, \u201cUp in the bathroom taking a bath, so we need to be extra quiet.\u201d They both nodded, I could see they both thought it was neat that we had to be quiet too.<\/p>\n

I figured the MOST secret place in the basement was the walk-in closet that dad had made. None of the basement windows were in the closet, so if those girls HAD followed us to the house, and they looked in the basement windows, they still couldn\u2019t see us. So I did that thing you do with your finger when you want people to follow you and I went over to the door to the closet and opened the door.<\/p>\n

The closet had big shelves on either side piled up with folded towels, sheets and blankets. The floor was just the gray concrete, like the rest of the basement. There were also big cardboard boxes with words written on them, like \u201cBathroom\u201d, \u201cKitchen\u201d and \u201cGardening\u201d. Both mom and dad loved to \u201corganize\u201d stuff. When we went inside and I closed the door the light came through the top part of the door, which had these really neat things that mom and dad called \u201cslats\u201d, which made these lines of light across the little room, mostly on the floor. There was a lightbulb you could turn on by pulling a chain, but I decided not to turn it on, because how it was now, with just the light coming through the door slats made it feel way more secret.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what are we going to do?\u201d the one kid asked me. I suddenly got real excited that they were looking to me to be in charge and decide what we should do.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe should take our clothes off\u201d, I said, \u201cRight?\u201d They both nodded, but I could tell they weren\u2019t sure who should go first. Then I thought that I should go first, and that made me REALLY excited, getting naked in front of them while they still had ALL their clothes on.<\/p>\n

So I stood where the light from the slats went across my body and I took off my shoes and socks and everything else while they watched. I got that extra rush of energy and tingling on my arms again when I pulled down my underwear. They both looked at me for a minute, which felt really good. I remembered mom saying we were animals. But no other animals wore clothes. So now I was being an animal.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll go next\u201d, said the one kid, and he took everything off too and pulled down his underwear. Then the other kid did it too, and we were all naked, standing in the bars of light coming through the slats.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow what do we do?\u201d asked the one kid, which got me more excited that he wanted us to do something more, do whatever I said.<\/p>\n

I had thought about what Molly and other kids had said about grownups lying on top of each other when they were in bed together. I figured mom and dad had done that too, but I\u2019d never seen them, like Molly had seen her mom and dad that one time, and other kids too. Some kids said that was how babies were made.<\/p>\n

I wondered what it felt like to lie on top of someone else, specially when you didn\u2019t have your clothes on. Maybe this was when I could find out.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe could lie on top of each other\u201d, I said, \u201cThat\u2019s what other kids say grownups do.\u201d Neither of them said anything, and I wondered if I had said something REALLY bad, even bad for the three of us kids who had decided to get naked together, which most other people thought was already bad.<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm\u201d, the one boy said, \u201cWe never did that before\u201d, and I got worried that I had gone too far.<\/p>\n

But then the other boy said, \u201cOkay, that sounds fun, should I go first?\u201d I was surprised that he said that, but I nodded.<\/p>\n

He laid down on the floor on his stomach, but had his arms under his chest so he could hold his head up, but didn\u2019t turn it to look up at me. The floor felt kind of cold on my bare feet, but he didn\u2019t say anything about it being cold, or anything else. I had expected him to lie on his back, but I guess that would make lying on top of him weirder, because our penises would touch.<\/p>\n

I got down on my hands and knees over him. \u201cAre you ready?\u201d I asked. He nodded.<\/p>\n

I lowered myself down until the parts of my body started touching his, my chest against his back, my penis touching his bottom, and my legs touching his. I used my elbows to hold my head above his as I looked at and could smell his hair. His body felt warm and it was really exciting, my whole body shivered and I got goosebumps on my arms. I was afraid to say anything because we were doing something so strange that everyone else would think is really bad. But it didn\u2019t FEEL bad, and I wondered why this was supposed to be bad.<\/p>\n

I turned my head and looked up at the other boy, standing above us. I could tell he didn\u2019t know what to say either, and just nodded. He got down on his hands and knees over me, and I could already feel the tip of his penis touching my bottom. Then I felt HIS warm body press against mine and my body shivered again, making more goosebumps on my arms. I was squeezed between them, all of us naked, all feeling each other. We lay there for a long time, not saying anything.<\/p>\n

I had never felt anything quite like it. It was very strange, but not BAD strange. EXCITING strange, and I got why grownups and older kids might want to lay on top of each other when they were super kissyface. I figured they did other stuff when they were doing this, that was even more fun, but this was plenty for me.<\/p>\n

We lay there on top of each other for what seemed like a long time. I think all three of us liked it but were also afraid to say anything, because we knew we weren\u2019t supposed to be doing it.<\/p>\n

Finally the kid I was laying on squirmed and said, \u201cSorry, I have to go to the bathroom.\u201d The kid above me quickly got back on his hands and knees and then stood up. I did the same. Then the boy below me also. We all grabbed at our clothes and put them on. The kid who had to go was bouncing his legs up and down.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s your bathroom?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, you can\u2019t use it\u201d, I said, \u201cRemember? My mom\u2019s in the bathtub.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShoot\u201d, he said, kind of wiggling his legs.<\/p>\n

\u201cRun outside\u201d, the other boy said, \u201cAnd pee in the lilac bushes across the street.\u201d The first boy nodded and ran up the stairs and out the side door.<\/p>\n

\u201cI better go to\u201d, said the other boy, and he ran up the stairs and out the side door too.<\/p>\n

I walked up the stairs and heard mom yelling from inside the bathroom with the door still closed. \u201cCoop? Are you there?\u201d<\/p>\n

I ran to the closed bathroom door and said, \u201cYeah mom, it\u2019s me!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell\u2019s going on?\u201d she asked, sounding mad, \u201cWhat was all that running up the stairs?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA couple of kids from the park were playing with me in the basement\u201d, I said, \u201cBut they had to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh my god, Coop\u201d, she said, \u201cI couldn\u2019t figure out who the hell that was, and I don\u2019t have any clothes in here, just these two towels.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry mom\u201d, I said. Seemed like I was saying that to her a lot these days.<\/p>\n

\u201cListen Coop\u201d, she said, \u201cYou need to be more considerate when you know I\u2019m in the tub to at least let me know that you and your friends are coming in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry mom!\u201d I said it again.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs anyone else here? Is your dad still out with David?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust me\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, good\u201d, she said, \u201cAre you planning to play in the basement or outside?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the basement\u201d, I said, figuring I didn\u2019t want to go back in the backyard or over in the park in case those girls were still looking for us.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, fine\u201d, she said, \u201cJust next time\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI KNOW\u201d, I said, sounding kind of mad, not letting her finish what she was going to say.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s fine\u201d, she said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry I got so mad. You and your friends scared the crap out of me. I didn\u2019t think anyone was home, and then suddenly I hear all these feet on the basement stairs and the side door opening and closing.\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to keep talking to her about it, so I said, \u201cI\u2019m going back down in the basement.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood\u201d, she said, \u201cI\u2019m going to finish my bath. PLEASE make sure all the doors are closed, not just the screen doors, and PLEASE close the door behind you if you go back out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay\u201d, I said, \u201cI\u2019m going downstairs\u201d, and I ran back down into the basement.<\/p>\n

I sat in dad\u2019s office chair and thought about all the stuff that had just happened. There were still goosebumps on my arms. I wondered if those two boys would want to do something like that again. I remembered again when Molly had told me about peeking into her mom and dad\u2019s bedroom when he was lying on top of her in the bed and they were doing kissyface stuff and moving around. If you lay on top of a girl to do kissyface stuff, she would have to be on her back, not her stomach, so you could kiss each other on the mouth. And if you were naked, then your penis would be touching her thing down there between her legs.<\/p>\n

Some of the older kids in the park said that was how women had babies, but I had never heard all the different stuff that you had to do when you were on top of her naked to do that. I think they called that \u201csleeping with\u201d someone or having \u201csex\u201d, but I wasn\u2019t sure yet, and there was no way I was going to ask mom, dad, or anybody else, kid or grownup. I would just have to keep sneaking around and listening to the older kids in the park when they were talking about that kind of stuff.<\/p>\n

I spun myself around in the chair. All this stuff was pretty complicated and hard to figure out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was the last day of school. I was finally done with fourth grade. The last day of school was my FAVORITE day of the whole year because I didn\u2019t have to have grownups in charge of me anymore, or at least until fifth grade started in the fall. It was better than Christmas OR […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[1777,13,1774,1799,1800,1775],"class_list":["post-7773","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adventure","tag-1960s","tag-ann-arbor","tag-autobiography","tag-free-range-kid","tag-growing-up","tag-memoir"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t