{"id":1080,"date":"2009-06-01T08:51:22","date_gmt":"2009-06-01T16:51:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/?p=1080"},"modified":"2009-06-01T09:07:45","modified_gmt":"2009-06-01T17:07:45","slug":"cat%e2%80%99s-in-the-cradle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/2009\/06\/01\/cat%e2%80%99s-in-the-cradle\/","title":{"rendered":"Cat\u2019s in the Cradle"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I don\u2019t know if it was true for previous generations, but I got so much of my \u201cethical instruction\u201d from songs that I would here over and over on the radio. Whether it was the Beatles telling me that, \u201cAll you need is love\u201d, or The Supremes invoking the Golden Rule in, \u201cLet me get over you the way you\u2019ve gotten over me\u201d, or a hundred different songs from a raft of insightful lyricists.
\n
\nBut of all the lyrics all those songs, I sometimes wonder how much the sad and ironic lyrics of Harry Chapin\u2019s song has saved my generation of male-type parents from making the mistake that many of our dads made not playing a larger role in parenting and thus contributed to my own kids\u2019 generation.
\n
\nChapin sings…<\/p>\n

My child arrived just the other day
\nHe came to the world in the usual way
\nBut there were planes to catch and bills to pay
\nHe learned to walk while I was away
\nAnd he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
\nHe’d say “I’m gonna be like you dad
\nYou know I’m gonna be like you”<\/p>\n

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
\nLittle boy blue and the man on the moon
\nWhen you comin’ home dad?
\nI don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
\nYou know we’ll have a good time then<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I still can\u2019t hear it (or even read the lyrics) without chills going down my spine, and it can be a painful experience, even today, to listen to the whole song. I\u2019m not sure why it is still so painful. It\u2019s not like I ignored Chapin\u2019s strongly implied advice. I have spent as much time with my kids as any dad I think. I guess it is just so profoundly sad to choose to miss the opportunity to give the gift of your self, your love, and your wisdom (a gift no one else in the universe can give) to your progeny.<\/p>\n

My son turned ten just the other day
\nHe said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
\nCan you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
\nI got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”
\nAnd he walked away but his smile never dimmed
\nAnd said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
\nYou know I’m gonna be like him”<\/p>\n

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
\nLittle boy blue and the man on the moon
\nWhen you comin’ home son?
\nI don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
\nYou know we’ll have a good time then<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I don\u2019t know if anybody has studies to back this up, but at least anecdotally, among the male parents I know, they seem to be more involved in their kids\u2019 lives than the dads of my own peers growing up. I can remember that as a teenager I barely got to know several of my best friends\u2019 dads (even being often at their houses), though I did get to know their moms. I know all my kids\u2019 good friends, at least the ones that pass through our house. <\/p>\n

Well, he came home from college just the other day
\nSo much like a man I just had to say
\n“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
\nHe shook his head and said with a smile
\n“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
\nSee you later, can I have them please?”<\/p>\n

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
\nLittle boy blue and the man on the moon
\nWhen you comin’ home son?
\nI don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
\nYou know we’ll have a good time then<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That verse still stings sometimes because it makes me wonder if my own kids know how proud I am of them, and then, whether \u201cpride\u201d is even the right term, and what separates an appropriate acknowledgment of them as emerging human beings developing their own agency with patriarchal narcissism at ones progeny.<\/p>\n

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
\nI called him up just the other day
\nI said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
\nHe said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
\nYou see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
\nBut it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
\nIt’s been sure nice talking to you”<\/p>\n

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
\nHe’d grown up just like me
\nMy boy was just like me<\/p>\n

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
\nLittle boy blue and the man on the moon
\nWhen you comin’ home son?
\nI don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
\nYou know we’ll have a good time then<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

How could the \u201cnarrator\u201d of Chapin\u2019s song ever recover from the implications of that last conversation with his son? The gravity of it made me swear to myself, even as an adolescent, that I would never let that happen to me. I am truly curious how many of my fellow travelers, male in this current incarnation, have been similarly affected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t know if it was true for previous generations, but I got so much of my \u201cethical instruction\u201d from songs that I would here over and over on the radio. Whether it was the Beatles telling me that, \u201cAll you need is love\u201d, or The Supremes invoking the Golden Rule in, \u201cLet me get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[407,413,410,406,414,412,408,409,411],"class_list":["post-1080","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-context","tag-cats-in-the-cradle","tag-encouraging-men-to-be-parents","tag-ethics-and-song-lyrics","tag-harry-chapin","tag-inspiring-dads-to-parent","tag-men-as-parents","tag-wisdom-in-music","tag-wisdom-in-popular-songs","tag-wisdom-of-popular-culture"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1080","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1080"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1080\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1088,"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1080\/revisions\/1088"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1080"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1080"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.leftyparent.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1080"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}