Tag Archives: families that come apart

“Suckee” Families & “Blowee” Families

My partner Sally had an insightful and charismatic teacher in her graduate school marriage and family therapy program who defined two types of families, “suckee” and “blowee”, the former always recruiting new “members” and the later always letting them go. No value judgment intended here, both can be loving and supportive in their way.

Sally has a “suckee” family, her parents and two sisters tend to live in the same locale, stay in close contact, have big family gatherings (including events that bring the larger family from all over the country), and are always welcoming of in-laws and friends and finding ways to weave that larger circle into their family events and life as honorary “cousins” of a sort. There is a strong sense among all family members of the high importance of family relationships and being close. I certainly have felt completely welcome by her parents and siblings and woven into their family circle. But if I suggested that Sally and I move out of the Los Angeles area, that would probably be some sort of cataclysm, especially for her mom and dad. Continue reading →